I Have Loved You Wrong
by 26Rye J
Summary: Alternate ending to "Anne" -Instead of returning to Sunnydale after Anne, Buffy stays in L.A. where she meets up with Angel mid season 1.
1. Prologue: Part 1

**Alternate ending to "Anne" -Instead of returning to Sunnydale after Anne, Buffy stays in L.A. where she meets up with Angel mid season 1.**

**I don't own the characters of Angel and Buffy . Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy does. I'm just one their countless fans.**

**Prologue: part 1**

As soon as Buffy and Lilly crawled out of the baptismal pit, the portal closed behind them.

Staring at the gray tile, Lilly whispered, "is it over?"

Buffy looked around at the other who escaped. "Depends on what you mean."

None of the kids seemed eager to leave even if they had somewhere they could go. There was a reason they were here in the first place. No one was expecting or awaiting their return. These kids exchanged one hell for another: one more familiar, but no less daunting.

She made her way to the middle of the group. Some were huddled together, while others stood alone holding themselves; they all focused on Buffy as she addressed them.

"I know you guys are probably totally wigged right now - okay, understatement, but everything is going to be fine now. You guys are free." Lilly slowly walked through the group until she stood at her side.

She whispered to her, "What do we do now?"

Buffy looked around with a furrowed brow. Glancing at the kids, she turned to take in the building they ended up in. She quickly realized that the demons actually ran this place as a shelter. All the kids wound up in a hell dimension, but apparently some of them went there well fed, well-rested, and clothed first. She saw open cabinets full of supplies, piles of folded clothes, and a neighboring room full of beds. As she took in her surroundings, she realized the kids were looking at her -to her. . . for answers, guidance, protection . . . she really didn't know, but in that moment, Buffy accepted the responsibility - just like she had so many others.

But this time was a bit different. She could walk from it. No one would condemn her or blame her for it. This wasn't a destiny thing, she wasn't the only one who could help these kids, but at the moment, she was the only one who wanted to. . . and that was enough.

"You're free to leave, if you have a place to go. But those things weren't entirely lying when they said you could stay here. This place looks pretty well stocked. It could even pass for a shelter-except for, ya' know, the portal to hell, which is totally closed by the way. I would let you guys stay at my place, but it's barely big enough for me let alone anyone bigger than me," Buffy gave a small smile at the group. She glanced at Lilly and saw her smiling back in support.

"Anyways, if any of you want to stay here, I will too. I may not look it, but I'm strong, like really strong. Demons, burglars, snotty nurses -you name it, I can fight it. You'll be safe here . . . I promise. Whatever you decide to do, clothes are probably a good thing to do it in," Buffy went over to one of the dressers and opened up a drawer.

"You can find some real clothes in one of these piles - maybe even the ones you came with and then either leave or make yourselves at home. The shelves and cabinets are full of food - the non-perishable variety; there are beds in the other room, and I'm sure there are showers somewhere. I'll be around if you need anything and can fix up whatever injuries you have." with that, Buffy turned to Lilly.

"After you find some clothes, do you mind helping me scout out some medical supplies?" She nodded before joining the others around the piles.

Anticipating the kids' shyness, Buffy gathered some food from the shelves and cabinets and placed it on the table in the middle of the room. Then she went over and checked the phone on the wall. After hearing the dial tone, she replaced the receiver and went in search of a first aid kit.

She found what she was looking forward in one of the hall closets but not after coming across a communal bathroom and another bedroom. When she returned to the front room, she saw that the group was about the same size. No one had left. She shouldn't have been surprised, but she was. The kids were pretty quiet save for the occasional whisper. However, they had been brave enough -or hungry enough- to start nibbling on the food she had set on the table. Most of them were in regular clothes, but for some reason they looked less scared and uncomfortable in the rags. The jeans brought an expectation of normalcy that these kids couldn't meet yet.

She headed for the first injury she spotted. The young girl was sitting at the table eating a few pieces of cereal while keeping a bloody arm around her waist.

Buffy knelt down beside her and quietly asked if she could take a look at it.

"My name's Anne. What's yours?" Buffy started to gently clean her wound.

With eyes downcast, she replied,"I'm no one."

It took her a moment to get over the shock. When She did, Buffy made sure to keep her voice low, reassuring voice, "You're someone. You have a past, and a personality, and a name you probably hated as a kid. No one can take that away from you." She wrapped her arm in gauze whispering, "no matter what happens you'll always be you." The girl lifted her head and looked at Buffy with glistening eyes and the beginnings of a smile.

"I. . . I'm Al-alice" She stammered.

Buffy gently squeezed her hand, "It's nice to meet you Alice." The girl squeezed back.

A few of the other kids overheard the exchange and were looking at her with tears in their eyes. She felt the weight of their trust as she moved on to the next injured teen. She asked Lilly to order in some pizza as she continued tending to the kids. She examined all of their cuts and bruises, no matter how small while talking to them and asking their names, assuring each that they had one, and promising that everything was going to be okay now.

After thinking she had met everyone and giving a quick silent prayer that she remembered all of their names, she spotted one in the corner she hadn't met. He had a large gash on his side which he was holding and poorly trying to conceal. For a brief instant she had a vision of a Angel - of him standing in her kitchen with a large gash across his ribs. Her throat began to constrict and she quickly tried to squelch the image. _That's not him. He's gone. But I'm is still here, and right now that boy needs my help._

He was tall, black, and muscular, but he kept his face down so she couldn't see it. Not wanting to scare him, she made sure not to touch him as she angled her head in an attempt to make eyes contact.

"Do you mind if I look at your cut? I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to know how bad it is and see if maybe you need a doctor."

He gave her a silent nod but didn't move his arm. However, he did loosen it, so she gently pulled it away. Blood. Lots of Blood. And if she looked closely, more blood. She found the hem of his long-sleeved t-shirt and started pulling it up, but he grabbed her wrist hard. Gasping, she looked up and was about to pull away when he growled in a low voice, "no doctors." She could finally see his eyes which were large, dark, and penetrating. He tightened his grip. "No doctors."

She placed her free hand over his. "Okay, no doctors." Then she gently pushed his bloody arm aside. As soon as he heard her, his grip loosened and he slowly brought his other hand to his side still wary of her actions but willing to trust her word.

After cleaning the area around the gash with a warm towel and cleaning his wound as best as she could, she attempted to butterfly it closed. It probably should have been stitched, but he was against doctors and she didn't have the tools to do it herself. He might have an ugly scar later, but he would live.

"Mind telling me your name?" She ventured. He had kept his head down and avoided making eye contact since his outburst. She kept quiet while tending to him just glad he was allowed it. But given that she was almost finished, and he hadn't resisted any, she decided now was as good of time as any to talk to him.

When he didn't respond she continued, "Well, since I've already decided that 'no one' or 'no name' doesn't cut it, I will just have to give you a name myself so I at least have something to call you." Still no response.

"You're really not gonna help me out here are you?" She paused then continued in a lighthearted tone, "Very well but if you don't like the name I pick, you will have no one to blame but yourself later." She began studying him as if trying to figure out which name would suit him best. Then she read t-shirt: _Welcome to Sunny California_. She had to grin at the irony of his picking that t-shirt given the circumstances. "Well since my imagination is out of gas, and your sense of irony is in high gear, I'm gonna call you Sunny." Even with his face turned away from her, she could tell his brow was furrowing. She chuckled, "Hey, no one said letting me pick your name was a good idea; any time you want to switch it out for your real one is good with me." he shook his head. "Okay then."

She finished taping a bandage over the cut and pulled down his shirt. He finally looked at her and she kept a small grin on her lips, "I'm Anne by the way." Just then she heard a knock on the door and saw Lilly answer it. "That must be pizza, just in time too, will you excuse me for a minute." He looked at her with a bit of curiosity as if she was a rubix cube that he couldn't figure out but kept changing before he had a chance work on. His eyes followed her as she walked across the room and paid the delivery man.

She asked Lilly to bring in a roll of paper towels and set the boxes of pizza on the table by the rest of the food. By this time a few of the kids had decided to go to sleep -some on the bed in the neighboring room and some huddled in the corners of the main room, but when the pizza came everyone gathered around - everyone except Sunny that is. After she helped set the pizza up she placed two slices on a paper towel and walked over. Neither his facial expression nor his eye's focus had changed.

She held out the pizza but when he didn't take it she picked up one of him arms by the sleeve and tried to get him hold it. "I'm getting that cooperation is not your thing, but Sunny, considering your human, food has got to be. Besides its pizza, the universal food of goodwill and deliciousness." His lips held only a hint of a smile. but he finally took the pizza earning a big smile in return. "While you finish that I'm gonna go see if I can dig up some pain killers to cure what pizza can't."

She started to turn when she felt his free hand lightly reach out for hers. He kept his head down as he mumbled thank you. After giving it a gentle squeeze, she released it to fetch those pain killers she promised.

A few hours later most of the kids were asleep. Buffy even cajoled Sunny out of his corner and into a bed. The place was bigger than she had anticipated and she quickly gathered that there were plenty of beds to go around - especially since some of the kids had paired off and wanted to share. From talking to them earlier she knew none of them were related or even knew each other well. But their recent experiences had lead to some close bonds between them. She didn't fully understand it, but she was thankful nonetheless. The less alone they felt the better. Loneliness that's what is truly unbearable . . .

"What now?" Lilly asked breaking Buffy out of her reverie.

"Huh?" Searching for Lilly's boyfriend, getting sent to hell, and taking care of a group of kids had all begun to take a toll on her. If her busy mind would let her sleep, she would definitely be napping by now.

"What happens now? Tomorrow, I mean." Lilly sat down on the couch next to her.

She sighed, "I don't know. Honestly, I'm not really thinking that far ahead. . . . I get that they need a place to stay. I just don't know if I have a place to give them. This," she said glancing around the room and the rooms beyond, "is just temporary. I don't know about tomorrow, or the day after that. I'm kinda just going from moment to moment."

"That works," Lilly laid her head on her shoulder and relaxed into the couch.

Buffy relaxed too and leaned her head on Lilly's, "I sure hope so."


	2. Prologue: Part 2

**Someone asked about the timeline of this story. The prologues takes place in season 3 of Buffy. The actual story takes place in season 1 of Angel (or chronologically, season 4 of Buffy). **

Prologue: part 2

Surreal. It was the only word for it. Buffy felt like she was in a dream: seeing everything from a distance. The bus ride back to Sunnydale beckoned shadows of emotion: past pain, grief . . . love. She could have asked a friend to drive her or just driven herself, but somehow it felt right to return the way she left: alone, on a simple bus.

The bus passed the _Welcome to Sunnydale_ sign and continued towards downtown: passed the Magic Box, the Bronze, the high school . . . she kept picturing Giles and the Scoobies inside huddled over a pile of books. She even allowed herself to wonder what the latest crisis was. What evil now threatened the world?

But it was a passing curiosity. She wondered about it just as much or as little as she did how they looked: Willow, Xander, Giles. It hadn't even been a year since she saw them last, but for some reason, she thought they might look different - older perhaps.

The bus interrupted her thoughts stopping at the station. Slowly, Buffy exited and started on a walk. She hadn't intended it to be a patrol, but she found herself wandering the cemeteries anyway. Tonight wasn't about hunting; it was about remembering. Reaching out her hand, she grazed the cool surface of a mausoleum and reacquainted herself with the gardens of death she once knew so well.

Around this time last year they had been here . . . Angel and her. They had patrolled together . . . talked . . . fought . . . kissed. Only a year ago, she stood here in his arms. A moment of happiness, a sword through the chest, a few days in hell - loves lost, lives ruined: so much to happen in only a year.

All those changes made her time away seem longer. As she continued her stroll, Buffy thought about how long ago and far away her memories seemed. Even her emotions seemed distant - like they were calling to her from a deep valley but all she heard were the echoes.

Eventually, she left the cemeteries behind and made her way to the residential area. She knew her destination, but there were few places she wanted to stop by on the way. The first being her home.

She stayed on the other side of the street and gazed at the familiar house - the one that regularly appeared in her dreams. She knew her mother still lived there, but she had no intention of approaching the door. Instead, she leaned against an old tree for awhile and reminisced: about moving in, sneaking out, making out, and about that last night when they fought. She could still hear the sound of her mother's glass shattering against the wall.

She did not know how much time she spent staring at her home, but eventually, Buffy looked away and continued on.

With great reluctance, she descended the steps to Giles' patio. She didn't know if he was home, but after considering his house from afar she decided to run the risk of getting closer.

The light was on; He was home.

Through the window she could see him. A faint smile crossed her lips as she watched him pour over a dusty tome. Whenever she pictured Giles, she imagined him surrounded by books. He was her former librarian and Watcher after all, so no other activity could be more fitting.

He never looked up, and she never moved closer. She stayed on the stairs and watched. All the while, he read his book and sipped tea never knowing that his much-missed slayer sat just outside the window.

Holding her leather jacket a little closer she slowly retraced her steps up the stair and away from the man she still considered a father. With heavy steps and an even heavier heart, Buffy ambled to her final destination.

Before her, stood the mansion: the place that had witnessed the biggest turning point in her life thus far. And her life had many defining moments - being called as a slayer, moving to Sunnydale, meeting Angel, sleeping with Angel, but here, this place, she thought, "This is where I grew up."

Descending the black metal staircase into the miniature garden, Buffy tried to focus on how it felt to enter the mansion the first time - the sounds she heard, the smells, the anxiety and adrenaline. Her arms fell to her side allowing the jacket to fall open. As the cool air brushed against her skin, she closed her eyes and recaptured those moments.

Entering the door of the mansion, she paused inside much like she did that night. For a moment she expected to actually relive the scene and find Angelus still there with his hand hovering above the sword. Then, the moment passed. Reality returned and the statue, along with the demon were gone. This was the tomb of her youth and innocence. Stepping forward she listened to its hallowed silence.

Replaying the battle in her mind - the verbal exchange, the physical blows- she found herself standing where Acathla once stood. She paused allowing the roused fight to run its course. All too soon, it brought her to the inevitable end: Angel.

She remembered their last moments together: his desperate embrace and the love in his eyes. She recalled clearly what the portal looked like as it opened behind him . . . the feel of their last kiss . . . and the end - his end.

Summoning all her strength, she stepped forward until she stood where she had both kissed and killed her other half. Once again, she turned around and faced the emptiness of his absence.

Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out their last physical tie: her claddagh ring. Holding it in both hands, she gently kissed the heart and placed it where her Angel last stood. With her fingers still over the ring, she said what was needed . . . what she never could say before . . . "Goodbye."

Placing her hands on her knees, she pushed herself up and walked out the door. Feelings of their love or his presence didn't follow her out. She bid them goodbye so now they could stay where they were always meant to: in her past.

The farther she walked from the mansion, the calmer she became. There were no stops on the way back - no wanderings or reminisces, just steady steps on empty roads.

By the time she returned to the station, she could see the sky starting to brighten. For the second time in her life, she felt it was time to leave this place behind. Boarding her bus, she chose a window seat so she could watch as homes, cemeteries, and the high school came into few and then disappeared behind her.

When the bus finally passed the Sunnydale sign, she let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. She was really out. The beginnings of a smile appeared as Buffy leaned her head against the window and watched the scenery come and go.

To return . . . to remember . . . and to release: those were the reasons for this impromptu trip. She knew a new life was being spread before her, one full of love and joy and belonging. But she couldn't enter into it without saying a final goodbye to her past. And now she had. It was over. She was truly free.

Back at the mansion

As dawn filled the main room filled, the walls began to shake. The ground rumbled and the claddagh ring clinked softly against it.

"Aaahhhhh," an anguished male scream reverberated off the walls. Coupled with a single, flash of white light, a large, limp body fell hard upon the stone floor.

There, in place of the small ring lay the damp, naked body of Angel newly returned from hell.


	3. Prologue: Part 3

Prologue: part 3

"So what's the plan again?" Scanning the forest, Cordelia held on tightly to Xander.

Giles kept alert. "Our stratagem is to lure the beast with our scent then the one best situated will fire the tranquilizer and incapacitate him -her - it."

"So, we wait until dogboy jumps us and then whoever isn't mauled gets to shoot the shiny shooter thing.'" Xander quipped.

"I like the British version better," Cordelia whispered.

Giles smiled tightly while Xander frowned and mumbled, "And you thought Willow was crazy to study instead of tagging along."

"Me and panic are getting to know each other. Don't interrupt," she shot back.

"Don't fret Cor; we were dustin vamps for months before Faith - we can totally handle one lil' werewolf without her." She started feeling reassured until he added, "that is, if we don't get mauled first." He flashed her one of his charm smiles.

"Xander, do shut up," Giles reproached. The boy had brought nothing but pessimism to the hunt, and Giles was quickly losing patience for it.

Since the kids returned to school, they seemed to increase the intensity of their anxieties. Before, slaying had been an adventurous hobby. Since Buffy left, it had become a full-time job. Each child bore a share of duty that traditionally rested with the slayer alone.

It was becoming increasingly clear that the weight was intolerable.

Giles saw this, but he didn't know how to solve it. Buffy was the only one he knew who could carry that burden and still retain a spark of joy. Faith, the latest slayer, failed at both. She fought demons out of pleasure rather than duty and showed little concern for the safety of anyone. In the little time he'd known her, Giles learned that Faith possessed a self-destructive streak which far from trying to alter, she actually seemed to revel in.

His slayer, though, was different. Continually risking her life and protecting the world, Buffy still sought to live as fully, and simply - as innocently as possible. She bore every responsibility given her and yet lived life as normal teenage girl. Well, she did until - well, until she didn't . . . or couldn't.

With great effort, he lay those thoughts aside. While he hoped he would see her again, Giles accepted he wouldn't see her soon - not until she wanted to be seen.

Someday . . . someday she might return . . . but today, he had a hunt to conduct and a beast to catch. It might be a second werewolf or an escaped Oz or something else entirely, but at the moment, it needed his attention more than his absent slayer. With renewed determination Giles returned his attention to the task at hand.

As they continued trudging through the forest, they heard a soft rustling.

"Hello my pretty," Xander murmured as followed the sound. Before they made much progress, they began to hear growling nearby.

Cordelia spun around trying to pinpoint its source. "How many werewolves did you say there were?"

Giles whispered, "Only one to my knowledge"

"G-man, this would be a good time not to be wrong" Xander squeaked. The growling was getting louder, but still, no one could determine what direction it came from.

They stopped and began moving in circle to prepare themselves for an attack. Cordelia spotted the predator first as it leapt from the bushes and tackled her.

She screamed but a brutal pressure to her throat cut the sound short. While Giles fumbled with the tranq gun, Xander tried to pry off what appeared to be a naked man.

Still strangling her, the man used his free hand to shove him away. "Giles!" Xander called.

Aiming the gun, Giles took a step back and shot the man in the shoulder. He gave out a bone-chilling growl before collapsing on top of Cordelia.

"Cor, you okay?" Xander asked as he pushed the man off his girlfriend. He preferred werewolves to naked men any day. This was just wrong.

After a few seconds of coughing, she nodded. "Since when do vicious beats look like naked men? I kinda picture them, I don't know -beastier?" Xander pulled her up into a quick embrace while she massaged her throat.

Pulling the strap of the gun over his head, Giles approached the victim. "I don't believe this is our beast . . ." he nudged the body onto its back. As the clouds cleared, moonlight revealed the man's identity.

Xander gasped, "Oh God"

"Is that. . . .?" Cordelia squeezed his hand tightly. "I mean it looks like-"

Glancing up, Giles saw two stupefied teens and proceeded to confirm their suspicion. "It's Angel."

Still stunned by their discovery, Giles called off the beast hunt and decided to take Angel back to the library - specifically, the cage. They intended to use it to contain the mystery beast, but all thoughts of their intended prey left as they hurried to cage their latest query.

The ride there passed in silence. While no one said anything, their thoughts were perfectly aligned. "_Why is he here? How is it possible? What does this mean?"_

After depositing him into the cage with a tranquilized Oz, Xander and Giles joined Cordelia and Willow at the table. For a while, they just stared at the unconscious vampire.

"What do we do now?" Willow whispered.

Giles gazed at Angel a moment longer before turning to the distraught red head. He recognized a Willow from three years past: the scared, insecure girl whose innocence endeared her to all.

"I don't know, Willow. I don't know."

The group became quiet again.

Sharing the room's turmoil and inner conflict, Xander exclaimed, "I know what we do. We stake the bastard like we should have done three years ago."

"Xander, don't" Cordelia softly reprimanded.

"Don't what? Don't say what we're all thinking? That blood-sucking bastard deserves death and damnation and whatever else hell has to offer and we all know it" Xander asserted vehemently.

"He might know where Buffy is," Willow whispered.

She held Xander's gaze then looked back at Angel. Just thinking about her absent best friend gave her confidence. She mused, " Xander, he was the last one to see her."

Confronted by silence, she continued, "He was the last one to see Buffy."

Instead of joining the conversation, Gile continued staring at Angel's unconscious form.

This creature killed the woman he loved. It terrorized his slayer, it tortured him, and it tried to end the world._** It**_ was the enemy. More specifically, it was _**his**_enemy. . . it was also his last link to Buffy.

His greatest enemy became his only hope .

"What makes you think he'll tell us, even if he does know?" In defeat, Xander gently reminded her, "He tried to kill her, Will. He tried to kill all of us." Not having a response, Willow remained quiet.

"Wait, what about the spell you did - the curse?" Cordelia chirped.

Giles eyebrows lifted as he looked at the vampire with new interest, "If it worked, the creature before is not the soulless version we last encountered. He should be Angel again - the man she loved . . . If he knows anything useful, he'll tell us." Giles decided to end the discussion. "You three should return home and get some rest."

The teens looked at him with concern.

Willow spoke softly, "Giles, we can stay if you want."

"Yeah, Giles, we can stay and take turns watching dead boy - who needs to sleep at night? That's what class is for." Xander joked trying to both comfort Giles and lighten the tension.

"No, it's alright. I'll keep an eye on Oz and be sure to extricate him when he awakes. You should run along. To be honest, I'm not in the mood for company," Giles confessed. With that, he went into his office partially closing the door behind him.

The three teens left quietly missing the first of Giles' tears.

He tried to remain composed for the kids, but in the privacy of his office he could not keep the torrent of emotions from pouring out. In only an hour, all of last Spring - the memories and emotions- had come rushing back: loving Jenny, fighting with Jenny, losing her, watching as his slayer suffered, being physically tortured by her lover, and then losing her too - not to death, but to her own despair.

The source of all that pain lay in the adjacent room oblivious to the torment his presence brought.

If it could somehow offer closure to the incident, Angel's reappearance would be worth it. If not, it reopened these wounds for nothing.

For all their sakes, he prayed Angel had something useful to tell them. All he could do was wait until he awoke - wait and pray and remember.


	4. Prologue: Part 4

**This will complete the prologue. Next week the story begins. Stay tuned for chapter 1: City of Angels.**

Prologue: part 4

The next night, Giles incapacitated their prisoner and moved him to the mansion. There, it could remain chained without garnering any attention.

When he regained consciousness, Angel proved the chains necessary. He wasn't Angelus, but he wasn't himself either. The yowls and growls proved him more beast than either personas. No conscience, no sense of self: it was an easy way to live; in fact, it was the easiest.

For a week, Giles tended to, fed, and observed him. He knew better than the others the likelihood of Angel regaining his sanity, but he refused to give up hope. The vampire was his last connection to Buffy - a connection he was not ready to break.

When the chance of coherency seemed smallest, Angel finally came around much to everyone's surprise. He was himself and he was remembering. After saving Giles from a magically-juiced, abusive teen, he curled up at his feet in tears.

Giles focused on the break through and silenced any vengeful longings. After what seemed an eternity, he pulled Angel up and brought him back to the mansion.

In days following, Giles continued looking after him in his usual manner: silence, and Angel did not have the courage to break it. He did not understand why his past cruelty was being repaid with kindness, but he refused to questions it. Perhaps Giles was waiting for his strength to return so he could truly savor revenge. He did not assure him otherwise. Although he doubted Angel would become violent again, Giles continued to keep him chained to the wall.

When the gang finally came to question him, they found Angel chained, submissive, and forlorn. While Oz and Will took their place in the doorway, Xander and Cordy sat against the wall opposite Angel leaving Giles to crouch directly in front of him.

He noticed Buffy's absence but didn't question it. She probably didn't want to see him, and he certainly didn't deserve to see her. So, Angel waited in calm resignation for whatever came.

When he saw everyone settled, Giles started the meeting. "We have some question for you." Angel kept his eyes down but nodded his cooperation.

"How much do you remember?"

Eyes widening, he whispered, "Everything."

"Good." Inside Giles sighed with relief. All his self-control was finally going to pay off; the wretch could be of use after all.

Angel closed his eyes and focused on not breaking down. He didn't have the luxury of self-pity; they had questions, and no matter what it cost him, he was determined to answer them as best he could.

In as even and controlled tone as he could manage, Giles continued, "I need you to tell us about the night you were killed."

Angel frowned. Buffy was there; he couldn't tell them anything she hadn't. He squashed the thoughts and he reminded himself of his promise to cooperate fully. He was about to answer when he was struck by an overwhelming urge.

In a voice soaked with guilt, he asked, "Is she okay?" He meant it as a simple question. The last time saw her she had a gash on her arm and looked deeply troubled. Having now remembered the mental torment he reigned on her as Angelus, he needed to know if she was alright.

He was equally prepared for a yes or a no. What he didn't anticipate was the weighty silence that followed.

No one looked at him; no one answered him.

He tried again, "Is Buffy okay?" Still, no answer. Something was wrong . . . . terribly wrong.

The question that he had casually dismissed before became crucial now. "Where is she?"

At the panic in his voice, some of the others made eye contact. Finally, Xander spoke. "We were hoping you could tell us"

In an even tone, Giles explained, "Buffy is missing."

_Missing?_ What did that mean: _missing_? And why would he know anything about it? Having been in hell for what seemed like a century, he hadn't exactly kept in touch with her. Suddenly, a thought hit him which would have stopped a human heart. "How long?"

Giles replied, "Six months -same as you."

He winced at the answer. It was as he feared.

Already near tears, Willow croaked, "What happened that night?"

That was the question they saved him to answer - the one each of them had become slightly obsessed with. All eyes rested on Angel.

With so many questions rushing in his mind, he found it difficult to remember the original one. Maybe if he could the answer theirs, he'd find the answers to some of his.

"She came here and started dusting as many vampires as she could as fast as she could, but she was too late . . ."

Surveying the place where he and Buffy parted, he tried to bring that night to front of his mind.

"There was a ritual, but she couldn't stop it. We fought. I almost killed her, but she beat me back." For a moment, admiration colored his tone. He always knew she was extraordinary, but if he hadn't before, that fight alone would have convinced him.

Noticing the others eager silence, he continued, "She was about to kill me when my soul returned. I don't know how or why - I didn't remember what I'd done . . . I was just confused."

He struggled to find a way to explain it. "It felt like I had been away for a long time . . . "

"I asked her what was happening, but she told me not to worry. She asked me to close my eyes . . . and then she killed me." He didn't feel betrayed at all - just bewildered.

"She stabbed me with her sword and that was the last I saw of her."

When he finished, he noticed tears falling freely down Willow's face. Oz held her close. Xander ceased looking at him and stared in the direction of an upper window. He remained uncharacteristically silent while Cordelia caressed his hand for support.

Touching the bridge of his nose, Giles asked his final question, "Is there anything she said to you that night -anything at all- that might shed light on where she went after your . . . encounter,"

Even as he asked, he knew it was a useless question. Buffy's departure was no doubt influenced by his death. What could Angel possibly know of her state of mind after his death or her current whereabouts?

With eyes shut tight, Angel scoured his brain for clues, but he never found any. After replaying the scene again in his mind a dozen times, he opened his eyes and shook his head. He didn't know where Buffy was.

Absorbing his answer, the group slowly began to accept defeat. Most of them gave hope of finding her long ago, but Angel's presence had resurrected some in each of them. They wanted to hope and he seemed like the perfect excuse.

But there was nothing there for them - no answers, no comfort; just a guilt ridden, heartbroken vampire. They gathered themselves together and finally left the mansion.

Entering the outer courtyard, Willow rested her head against Oz murmuring, "She's really gone." He held her close knowing just how devastating one statement could be - a few words and one's whole world changes.

As the reality of the situation sank in, the others shed whatever tears they'd held back. It was over.

Giles paused at the doorway and glanced back. The vampire looked so lost and broken on the floor like that. For a brief second, Giles' wished he could ease his suffering. No matter what Angel did to him, he couldn't deny his love for the slayer.

But his sworn enemy would have to cope alone. Giles could not lessen anyone's pain right now - not even his own, so tempering his pity, he left in silence.

With his heightened vampire sense, Angel heard Willow's last remark. Sensing the premises to be clear, he finally allowed his tears to fall freely. Thinking over and over to himself, "She's gone. . . Buffy's really gone."


	5. Chapter 1: City of Angels

**This chapter is a slightly modified version of the Angel pilot "City of Angels." After this, excerpts and paraphrases will be few and far between.**

**Savor the familiarity, for it will not last.**

Chapter 1: City of Angels

"Los Angeles you see it at night. It shines. A beacon. People are drawn to it . . . and other things. They come for all sorts of reason. My reason? No surprise there. It started with a girl."

Angel sat at a bar, drinking whisky beside a middle age stranger. "She was a really pretty girl - no a hottie girl - I mean she had - her hair was, you know? You kind of remind me of her." Looking at the man's bald head, he continued, "Cuz of the hair - I mean you both have the hair."

A young man strut from the pool table to order a drink. Angel watched him with a goofy grin. "Girls are nice." As the man returned to the table two guys and a woman exited the bar. From utterly intoxicated, Angel's demeanor became devastatingly sober. Without another word to his bald companion, he followed the group out.

The girl gushed, "So you guys really know the door man, you can get us in Tolito?"

Taking her arm, her companion replied, "I don't want to go clubbing, I want to party right here."

She pulled back. "Hey, back off."

Behind her, the second one chimed in, "Hey, shut up and die."

Before any damage was done, a voice interrupted. "Excuse me, excuse me, sorry. Has anyone seen my car? It's big and it's shiny." Having spent his youth in a drunken stupor, Angel could impersonate the intoxicated fairly well.

Not seeing him as a threat, one of the vamps, "Piss off Pal.

Stepping back, Angel frowned. "Mmph, breath mint?"

The one holding the girl released her to hit Angel, but he didn't expect the punch he received.

Angel was a whir of fast punches and sharp kicks - at least until the more resourceful vamp hit him with a trash can.

"You shouldn't have done that." After tossing a stake into the heart of one vampire, he picked up the other and slammed him onto the windshield of a parked car.

The woman approached Angel cautiously. "Thank you"

Realizing he was still in game face, he kept his head down growling, "Go home." She reached out for him. That was when he smelled the blood.

During the scuffle the girl had cut her forehead. The smell was so tempting especially after a fight. Turning to face her he barked, "Get away from me."

The girl ran back inside scared of her attackers as well as her rescuer. Without giving the girl another thought, Angel staked the unconscious vamp on the car and stalked off.

Walking the streets of L.A., he made for his layer. It was the place where he slept and fed - that was all; he would never call it a home. As he shrugged off his jacket, he heard a thick Irish accent from the corner. "Well I like the place. Not much of a view, but it's got sort of a bat cave air to it."

While he wasn't startled by the flamboyant Irishman, Angel certainly was suspicious. "Who are you?"

"Doyle."

Instead of taking the proffered hand, Angel observed, "You don't' smell human."

Bringing his hand back to his chest, the man stepped back. "Well, that's a bit rude. It happens I'm very much human." He sneezed letting his face relax into its demon visage: green skin, blue spikes, and red eyes. After the sneeze ended, his face morphed back to its handsome human appearance. "On my mother's side. Well I come in uninvited, so you know I'm not a vampire like yourself."

Angel didn't care what he was just that he was in his space. "What do you want?"

"I've been sent by the Powers that Be."

"The Powers that be what?'

"Let me tell you a little bed time story."

Angel was so weary as to almost be amused - almost. "But I'm not sleepy."

Undeterred by the vampire's apathy, Doyle continued, "Once upon a time there was a vampire and he was the meanest vampire in all the land. Even other vampires were afraid of him he was such a bastard. Then one day he's cursed by gyspies. They restore his human soul and all of a sudden he's mad with human guilt. What have I done? He's freaked."

Realizing where this was heading, he interrupted, "Uhh, okay, now I'm sleepy."

"Yeah well it's a fairly dull tale. It needs a little something else is my feeling. So sure enough, enter the girl. Pretty little blonde thing - vampire slayer by trade. And our vampire falls madly in love with her. But eventually the two of them well, they get fleshy with one another and the moment he - I guess the technical term would be 'perfect happiness.' And when our boy gets there he goes bad again. He kills again. It gets ugly. And when he gets his soul back for the second time he finds he's lost miss puppy ties. She's left - left town left, so what does he do? He takes off, he goes to L.A to fight evil and atone for his crimes. He's a shadow - a faceless champion of the hapless human race."

"Say you wouldn't have a beer of any kind in here, would ya?"

"No."

"Come on you must have something here besides pig's blood."

Angel shook his head. "Okay, you've told me the story of my life which since I was there I already knew. Why aren't I kicking you out?"

Doyle smirked. "Cuz now I'm gonna tell ya what happens next. You see this vampire thinks he's helping -fighting the demons, staying away from the humans so as not to be tempted, doing penance in his little cell. But he's cut off - from everything, from the people he's trying to help."

"I still save them. Who cares if I don't stop to chat?"

Doyle sighed. "The cravings for fresh blood don't go away. You know that. And one of these days one of those helpless victims that you don't really care about is gonna look way too appetizing to turn down. And you'll figure, 'hey, what's one against all those I've saved. Mind as well eat them. I'm still ahead by the numbers.'" Doyle rubbed his stomach, "You know I'm parched from all this yacking man. let's go treat me to a Billy D."

After obtaining his beer, Doyle walked the street next to Angel who had his hands in his pockets.

"It's not all about fighting and gadgets and such. It's about reaching out to people showing them that there's still love and hope left in this world."

A homeless woman with a shopping cart turned to them. "Hey spare change?"

Doyle kept walking, but shouted back, "Get a job you lazy sou."

He walked a few more steps before turning back to Angel, "You gotta start letting them in your heart. It's not just about saving lives, it's about saving souls. Hey, possibly your own in the process."

Stopping, Angel turned to face him. "I want to know who sent you."

Doyle looked a bit remorseful. "I'm honestly not sure who sent me. They don't speak to me direct. I get visions which is to say great, splitting, migraine's that come with pictures - a name a face. I don't know who sends them. I just know whoever sends them is more powerful than me or you, and they're just trying to make things right."

"Why me?" he pressed.

"Because you got potential. The balance sheet ain't exactly in your favor you know-"

"Why you?"

Doyle looked down, "We all got something to atone for."

Suppressing his shame, he continued, "I got a vision this morning and when the mind-splitting pain subsided I wrote this down."

Angel read it. "Tina."

"She needs help."

"Help with what?"

Doyle looked at him pointedly, "That's what you're supposed to find out - get inside her life."

Nothing the man said made much sense to him."Why would a woman I've never even met talk to me?"

Doyle looked exasperated. "Have you looked in a mirror lately?" He frowned, "Well, no, I guess you haven't."

Angel confessed, "I'm not good with people."

Doyle smiled. "That's the point of the this little exercise isn't it? Are you game?"

He was. That week he saved Tina, and in the process, he ran into former Sunnydale student, Cordelia Chase pursuing an acting career. She decided to work with him (for the extra cash of course), and he decided to work with Doyle. Together they "helped the helpless" as employees of Angel Investigations. For the first time in a while, Angel felt his life had purpose. It was a good feeling; it was just what he needed . . . well, not the only thing. . .

"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to brood alone?"

He looked up from his desk pleasantly surprised. "Since you won't do it with me, what choice do I have?"

With a swish of her youthful skirt, Buffy stood before him and took his hands.

"You could come walk with me." Looking out the window, he frowned at the cloudless sky.

She followed his gaze. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"It's day."

She pulled him to the door. "The perfect kind for walking."

Before she reached the handle, he pulled back. "Buffy, I can't -"

She just smiled patiently. "Good things come to those who wait. Isn't that what you tell yourself?"

"I-"

She swung both his hands in hers. "Please."

Seeing her pout, his resolve crumbled. "Okay."

Her warm, broad smile melted all his doubts. She opened the door and sunlight streamed in. Stepping forward she squeezed his hand. "Ready?"

Bits of sunlight fell on across her face and Angel was certain no one looked more beautiful in direct light than his Buffy.

Her next step left her completely drenched in sunlight. Only the hand holding his remained in shadow. She wanted him to follow her. Whatever the cost, he wanted that too. He returned her smile and squeezed her hand faithfully. "Let's go."

As he took his first step into the sunlight, Angel saw the scene fade. Everything grew distant and eventually went to black.

He opened his eyes and knew that it was night. The sun wasn't out and she wasn't here. Looking around, he saw the office was empty.

Upon rejoining reality, he felt weary rather than sad. All he wanted was to rest with his beloved, but he'd long past grown accustomed to dreams of happiness.

He liked to think he would always have them - that in this small way, she was still with him. Maybe that thought was itself another illusion. If so, he preferred it to truth. Just as he preferred dreaming to reality.

He knew he needed more than purpose in his life, but for now, it would do.


	6. Chapter 2: Path of Righteousness

Chapter 2: Path of Righteousness

In the next few months, Angels' life underwent massive changes. He opened a detective agency, lost his partner, and reconnected with former watcher, Wesley Price.

He started to view his agency as a team. Losing Doyle showed Angel how fragile and tenuous life was, but working with Wes and Cordelia reminded him of its resilience. They joked together, fought together, and sometimes even ate together (well, he watched as they ate).

More than that, he was beginning to get involved with other human lives. For example, Detective Kate Lockley helped him with the police end of his job and street fighter Charles Gunn helped with the demon part.

Their latest case was proving a bit tricky, so both Angel and Wesley went in search of information the night before. Striding into the office, Wesley seemed particularly pleased with himself. "Good morning Miss Chase, and what a fine morning it is."

Cordelia's eyes remained fixed on the computer. "Someone's perky. What's up? You find our evil or just a sale on leather pants?"

His eyes narrowed. "I'm going respond to the sentiment behind the question rather than its phrasing"

"You're no fun," Cordy mumbled.

"Perhaps, but today I bring in new information concerning our friend's serpent demon."

"How'd you manage that?"

He bristled. "I'm an extremely resourceful chap and a former watcher as you might recall, I have my ways."

"So you bribed a guy." It wasn't a question and Wesley's succeeding fluster confirmed her assumption. As he vainly sought for a retort, he was saved by the appearance of his boss.

"Good morning Angel," he chirped. Angel nodded his greeting and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Wesley was just retailing his heroic dabblings in bribery"

Ignoring Cordelia's mockery, Wesley recounted his source's information.

The Lamia was a blind, serpentine demon who nested under the foundations of buildings. After hearing Wesley's guess as to which building she was currently living under, Angel told him good work.

"Yes, well, thank you, I do like to take initiative where the forces of darkness are concerned. I was thinking perhaps we might arm ourselves and seek it out."

Angel casually picked up the newspaper. "No need."

Neither employees hid their shock, "I don't have to remind you that the Lamia is particularly dangerous; she preys on children."

"Which is why I killed her last night." At their silence, he looked up. "Better sooner than later right?"

Wesley yelped, "What? I mean yes of course, it's good that it's dead, I just . . . I mean . . . the late-night hunt . . . doesn't that seem a bit rash?"

"It seems like 'I take initiative'" Angel tried to not to grin as he repeated Wes's words, "at least where the forces of darkness are concerned."

Hearing Cordeli'as chuckle, Wesley grew visibly flustered. Once again, he was saved from delivering a retort - this time by the front door bell. Hearing it ring, Angel drawled, "Oh look, a client."

A voice replied, "An aspiring one anyway."

At the familiar tone, all three occupants turned to face their latest visitor

Lindsey Mcdonald, the notorious lawyer from Wolfram and Hart, was standing in Angel Investigations - willingly.

Cordelia almost guffawed. "You're coming to us for help?"

He smirked. "That's what you do right? 'Help the helpless.' I can't claim the helpless part, but I am here for help. I brought the money to prove it."

At the mention of monetary compensation, Cordelia lost her ability of speech. Seeing her difficulty, Wesley chimed in, "What makes you think we're interested in your problems or your money?"

Angel added, "You work for evil which makes you evil-ish." He added with a sneer of contempt, "and we're not - so, why should I help you.?"

"I want out."

Wesley gasped. "What?"

"I'm leaving Wolfram and Hart."

Angel's expression turned weary."It might be too late for that."

Lindsey looked out the window a moment and nodded in understanding.

Wesley pinched the bridge of his nose. "What Angel means is that Wolfram and Hart has invested quite a lot in you."

Cordy chirped, "You're like one of their best evil minions."

"Yes, well," he stumbled, "no doubt your firm will be displeased with the prospect of losing a valuable _employees_. It will be difficult if not impossible for you to truly leave them."

He let out a humorless chuckle. "That's my problem not yours."

Cordelia frowned. "I'm confused, what do you want our help with?"

Lindsey looked to Angel, "Can we talk, privately?"

Nodding, Angel followed him into his office and closed the door.

"Wesley's right, we can't help you leave the firm." He sat down at his desk while Lindsey remained near the door way.

"If it was just a matter of me getting out, I wouldn't be here. I can handle that on my own - or at least make a damn good attempt at it."

Angel leaned back in his chair. "So you're here to what? Deliver the guest list for the send off party?"

"There's someone who needs protection while I . . . extricate myself from the firm."

He shrugged. "We're not bodyguards, and definitely not the only muscle in town."

"You're just the only ones who can't be bribed or bullied by my bosses into giving her up."

"Her?"

He nodded. "Anne McDonald."

"Family?"

"By law - she's my wife."

Angel remained skeptical. He never knew he was married. Granted, he didn't know much about Lindsey period. But if this wasn't some sort of trap and he was legally wed, then the wife must be one piece of work. He had a clear mental picture of a Lilah-look-alike beside his lawyer nemesis.

Lindsey explained, "Leaving the firm is going to be difficult and time-consuming - not to mention dangerous. I'm fully prepared to face a gruesome death for my efforts, but not hers. . . not theirs."

Angel frowned at the change in pronoun. "Theirs?"

"She's pregnant." Angel tried to prevent his face from betraying any feelings of pity. Whoever married this nemish had to be nuts or evil - probably both . . . even so, the life inside her was innocent.

"She's my weakness, and they know it. It's the reason I tried to avoid getting involved with anyone. Fact is, I broke all the rules when I met her."

Undeterred by Angel's silence, he continued, "She isn't aware of Wolfram and Hart's true nature. I've managed to keep her separate from my work. While she knows I'm a lawyer, she still believes I'm a good man." Angel didn't let his smirk come to fruition , but Lindsey sensed it anyways.

With he mused druly, "What's funnier than her thinking I'm with the good guys, is me thinking it too. I grew up in a broken family made of broken people but somehow I got the most amazing woman to marry me, and now, she's carrying what I know is going to be an amazing kid." Looking at Angel, he grinned, "Obviously I'm counting on him taking after his mother."

He paused. "Before Anne, I never thought much about whether I was good or not; I just focused on being successful. Once I met her, though, she became the standard of it. If I provided for her, if I made her happy, then maybe. . ." his voice trailed off.

Angel was about to say something, but Lindsey emerged from his thoughts. "It doesn't matter anymore. I just need to know that while I'm away she and the baby will be safe."

Angel frowned. This man had just spent the last ten minutes gushing about his wife and now he planned to leave her.

Seeing his confusion, Lindsey explained, "There are some loose ends at the firm which will take me about a week to tie up." Angel could only imagine what sort of 'loose end' he was talking about.

"During that time, I'll stay at the office. Unfortunately, I won't be in a position to communicate with those on the outside."

"And your wife is alright with that?"

"She thinks I'm closing my last big case and won't have the time or desire to be disturbed." After a pause, he added, "She trusts me."

Hearing the evident guilt, Angel let the comment slide free of mocking

.

"So you want me and my team to watch her until you're done with the this 'big case'."

"I know you have other work - other clients, but I'm willing to pay whatever it takes for Angel Investigations' undivided attention on her from Monday till Saturday at which point I'll get her as far from here as possible."

He held Angel's eyes pointedly. "If I make it through this, I'll leave with her; if not, I'm trusting your team to get her out." He pulled an envelope from his suit jacket and placed it on the desk. "In the latter case, there's this: a pathetic explanation as well as all the info she'll need to make it on her own including details about the money I've left her."

Angel knew he had something more to say but was trying find his courage. Sure enough, Lindsey stumbled on, "I understand in protecting her it might be inevitable to go grrh" Grimacing, Lindsey tried to make his face resemble a vampire one. While it was a failed attempt, it was certainly an amusing one.

"If it's possible, I prefer she remain ignorant of everything . . . . less-than-ordinary. My firm knows this which is why they will only send humans to deal with her. Even if they suspect I'm leaving, they will want her to believe everything is normal for as long as possible."

He held his gaze again knowing his next statement was the most important. "It won't be about hurting her but about keeping me."

Angel grinned at the irony. "You sure know how to make life difficult: hiring a vampire to keep your wife ignorant to supernatural dangers."

"I always liked a challenge. If my files are accurate so do you."

Angel grin tightened before disappearing altogether. "I can't make any promises."  
>"I'm not asking for one."<p>

Lindsey pulled out a card, "this is our home address and her work one. If you need anything, don't call." He placed it on the desk before making his way to the door.

As he grabbed the handle, he heard Angel ask one last question. "Why now?"

Lindsey continued facing the door. "It's stupid."

"Probably, but I want to know anyway."

Lindsey turned to face him slowly. "When I found out I was going to be a dad, I imagined what it'd be like. I imagined holding my son, playing with him, teaching him . . . explaining things to him." His face grew somber.

"I thought about the look on his face when I try to explain to him a place like Wolfram and Hart. It seemed possible to keep the truth from Annie, but keeping it from our kid - that's different. He would find out, and I just remember thinking I couldn't face him when he did." With a small shrug, he sighed, "So here I am trying to make a life I can share with him one day."

Angel's expression went from astonishment to one of profound respect. Whether he realized it or not, Lindsey had just stated what it meant to be a good man, an honest man.

As if reading his thoughts, he looked Angel in the eyes stating firmly, "Before you go thinkin' this is proof that I'm growin as a person, let me disillusion you now and say it's not. I'm scared to look my son in the eyes and tell him what I am and how my life is. That's not proof of character, Angel, just cowardice ."

Standing up, Angel came around to stand across from him. "Fear of evil is the seed of character. It may take a long, long time, but there's a chance it'll grow."

Lindsey grinned. "Assuming this stunt of mine doesn't kill me first."

Angel returned the smile. "Yeah, assuming that."

Lindsey gave a curt nod before he walking himself out. Keeping his eyes straight ahead, he murmured, "The righteous shall walk a thorny path."

And, indeed, they would . . .


	7. Chp3: Satan's Spouse Chp4: So Not Funny

**Because I'm kind, I combined posts this week. If I made the right call, feel free to post a review telling me what you think. If I didn't, well, the same still applies. Whatever feedback I receive now will inform posting decisions later.**

Chapter 3: Satan's Spouse

Wesley and Cordelia parked outside a small apartment building. With the morning still young, Cordy was not at her most cheerful of moods.

"So, we're tailing Satan's spouse while Mephisto himself tries not to get dead."

Wesley anticipated a very trying day. "That's the plan. We watch out for her during the day and Angel takes over at night since he's -"

"Sunlight impaired?" She gave an impish grin.

"Precisely"

"What if wifey needs help at night? - the protecting kind of help."

He sighed in exasperation. "I already said Angel will be there."

"You don't think she'll notice his demon status afterwards - cuz he tends to go fangy in a fight"

"Oh." His eyes went wide."Now I understand his early departure last night."

"What, how?"

"Angel shares your concerns but said he knew someone who could help. I imagine he went to their request assistance."

"So the hope is if he goes bumpy, someone will keep her from noticing?"

"Mrs. McDonald isn't supposed to notice any of us - "bumpy" or not. He doesn't want to alert her to any danger. If, however, the situation demands it, I'm sure he would prefer her encounter only human protectors."

"Ah, the hide and fight approach." She displayed a derisive smirk. "That'll work well."

Wesley squeezed the steering wheel in frustration. "You know Cordelia, a little optimism would not do you bodily harm."

"Yeah, yeah, yo ho. What are we doing here anyways? I mean it's Friday. We're not supposed to be in stalker-mode till next week."

"Angel thought it prudent we familiarize ourselves with her schedule and preferred routes beforehand."

"If she gets attacked today, we don't have to help do we?"

"Just because we're not 'on the clock' per say, doesn't mean we don't have a duty to step in if necessary.

"Hmmph."

Seeing her slump back in the seat, he tried a different approach. "It would be a shame to lose the case before it's technically begun . . . to spoil our chance at compensation."

She fidgeted anxiously. "Okay, okay, we won't let her die."

"Your compassion for humanity is truly touching."

Suddenly, Cordelia sat up straight and alert. "There's the key to our pay check now."

Wesley squinted at the figure across the street. "How can you be certain?"

Rolling her eyes, she explained, "Waitress uniform, slight baby bump- according to Lindsey's description, that's our girl."

"This is about the time he said she usually leaves the apartment."

"So what are you waiting for? Start up the stalker mobile and start you know - stalking."

As Wesley followed directions, she muttered, "Little and blonde - figures Angel and Lindsey go for the same type."

"Excuse me?" He inquired not seeing the connection between the girl they were following and Angel's love life.

"Did I say something? . . . ."

The ride continued in silence and they parked across the street from the building she entered. It was located in a sketchy part of town but given its function that was understandable. Above the door, a slightly faded sign read:

_**Sanctuary Shelter**_

_**No One Belongs, but Everyone's Welcome.**_

"How weird is it that the wife of evil volunteers here? She may not be totally corrupt, but I wouldn't have pictured her as part-saint."

He nodded. "They certainly are an unlikely match."

"Can only imagine what their kid will be like: half soulles, half selfless."

"Your basic human being."

Cordelia gave him a puzzled look before returning to her coffee. Leaning back in her seat, she dozed off leaving Wesley on look-out duty. He actually preferred the silence.

After a few hours of boredom, the front door opened.

"Finally, I thought she was never gonna come out." Cordelia spotted the woman conversing with a few kids outside.

"Says the one who's been napping for three hours."

"Hey, our line of work doesn't leave much time for beauty sleep. I take what I can get."

Staying a safe distance away to avoid notice, they tailed the woman to a nearby coffee shop.

Thankfully, she came out with her coffee choosing to sit at a table outside. Her proximity to the vehicle afforded them a better view and for Cordy an opportunity to scrutinize.

Something about the lady seemed familiar, but she couldn't place it. Since none of her friends were family types, she figured the connection pre-dated her L.A. days.

"Wait a second . . . " As the figure adjusted her chair, she gave a clearer view of her face. Cordelia leaned closer to the wind shield and promptly froze. "Oh my God. . . .It can't be."

Hearing her, Wesley grew alarmed. "Can't be what?"

She gave one word, but in her mind, it was the only one needed: "Buffy."

Sitting across the street from them sat a radiant and joyful Buffy Summers enjoying a cup of coffee.

Wesley's eyes almost hurt from the intensity of his stare. "The Slayer? Are you certain?"

Cordelia bounced on her seat. "Yes! Yes, that's Buffy! She's alive, she's here, she's-"

"-our case."

Wesley's comment brought Cordy back to earth.

"Oh my God,"

He sighed. "I second that."

* * *

><p>Chapter 4: So Not Funny<p>

Silence reigned for a few moment as they both tried to process their thoughts.

Wesley for one, couldn't stop staring in wonder. "So that's the legendary Buffy Summers. . ."

Cordelia couldn't look away either. "Older, longer hair, and not so much with the tragedy-face but yeah that's her alright."

He voiced what neither could comprehend. "The current missing Slayer is in fact the Anne McDonald we've been hired to protect."

She scoffed, "And Lindsey thinks she's ignorant to all things supernatural."

"Her knowledge of it must be comparable if not more comprehensive than even ours."

"This doesn't make any sense, why would Buffy, miss champion of light, marry the representative of evil incorporated?"

He pondered the paradox, "She may be unaware of it. Lindsey did say he expended a great deal of energy keeping his secrets."

"So, Buffy the Vampire Slayer fell for one of the evilest guys in the city without realizing it. That sounds likely," Cordelia paused, " . . .and really familiar. What is it with that girl and doomed romances! It's like she's wired for drama potential."

He frowned sympathetically. "She does have regrettable taste in men."

"I'm not sure a two-hundred and fifty year old vampire and a sociopathic lawyer count as regrettable - more like apocalyptic."

Still in a bit of awe, he murmured, "So the question becomes-"

"What do we do now?"

Wesley looked away and tried to focus. "I believe the safest course of action is to finish up here and then return to the office and consult with Angel."

"Oh God! Angel" She gasped, "You don't think he knows already, do you? What do we say? What will he say?"

He replied softly almost to himself. "Given his demeanor this morning, I would venture he has not yet discovered Mrs. McDonald's former identity, but he is bound to find out eventually."

His heart filled with pity. "It's up to us to remain calm and inform him."

She started to settle in her seat. "Calm, right -wait, wrong. I can't stay calm when we're about to tell our boss his lost love is not only here in L.A. but also pregnant, and married to his mortal enemy."

"And your panic will somehow solve situation will it?"

"Ugh."

She slumped black in a sulk. "I knew I should have called in sick today."

"Too late now, so buck up and savor the many hours of waiting before we give Angel news he might very well kill us for."

Cordy groaned, "That's so not funny."

He never said it was.

Angel was training in his basement when Wesley and Cordelia came to report about their day. He stopped hitting the punching bag long enough to look at both of his visitors. He noticed his employees were characteristically reticent. Wesley appeared to be bracing himself and Cordelia was hiding behind him.

Finally, he coaxed them into speaking, but they started at once making it impossible to discern anything except their anxiety. "Guys, calm down, whatever it is we'll deal with it. I just need one of you to tell me what it is we need to deal with."

Summoning his courage, Wesley started, "We followed Mrs. McDonald today as per your instructions. We saw where she works, where she volunteers, even the coffee shop she frequents We also noted, well to be accurate, Cordelia noted that Mrs. McDonald bears an uncanny resemblance to . . . what I mean to say, is that she could be mistaken for -"

"-It's Buffy," she blurted.

Angel stopped punching and stared at the bag. Stepping a little from Wesley's side, she continued, "We followed her all day, and I'm sure. It's Buffy."

He closed his eyes and tried to process her words. Buffy was alive. She was here in L.A. He finally found her. A hundred images and emotions flashed through his mind at once.

Having received the cliff notes version of the Buffy and Angel saga, Wesley felt the need to refocus the conversation. Mainly, he wanted to discuss how her identity affected the case.

"Anne or Buffy is still our responsibility. The fact that she's a slayer doesn't change the a job we have to do; it just means we modify our initial stratagem."

Cordelia frowned. "What are you yammering about?" Before Wes interrupted, she'd been trying to gage Angel's reaction to the news that his missing love was no longer missing. It left her disappointed. Aside from lowering his arms and closing his eyes, Angel didn't seem any different. His face didn't betray a single emotion.

But then, of course, Wes had to skip the significance and move right onto acceptance. "Just because Lindsey doesn't know she's a slayer doesn't mean his employers aren't aware. They may send more than just humans for her."

The practical talk snapped Angel out of his momentary daze. He reached for a towel while echoing Wesley's business like tone, "Wolfram and Hart aren't stupid, but they're not omniscient either. Lindsey did everything he could to keep his wife and work separate, with good reason. If anyone knew the truth, both McDonald's would be dead by now. . . or worse. "

"Point taken, but certainly her identity changes something."

Staring at the floor, he murmured, "It really doesn't"

"Angel" Cordelia couldn't believe what she was hearing.

He explained, "If the firm didn't know she was a slayer before, they will once they confront her. When they realize she's not the normal wife they thought she was, they will quit with the quiet kidnapping and move on to more dangerous goals. If we want to keep that from happening, we can't rely on her strength or help in any way."

Cordelia snapped, "So we just continue watching her like nothing has changed?

"Yes. . . and no."

Wesley gently prodded, "You will have to give us a bit more than that."

"We want them to continue thinking she's a normal girl, so we treat her like one. If there's trouble we deal with it and keep her as ignorant as we can. One change, though, is that Cordelia and I will have to keep a lower profile." Seeing her fidget, Angel looked her in eye.

"You were lucky she didn't see you today. From now on, we don't depend on luck; we lay low and leave field work to the others."

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that your gonna stay in the office all day while Wesley and Gunn are out protecting Buffy?"

"I don't plan to stay here, but I don't intend on being her only bodyguard either."

Her lack of respect rankled him. "If they come across a situation they can't handle, I'll be there, and I'll do my job without being in the way and without being seen."

Pushing his patience, Cordy huffed, "She may have taken the idea of summer vacation a bit far, but she's not stupid Angel."

With reason, Wesley tried to diffuse the situation. "Cordelia does have a point, even if she hasn't been utilizing her abilities regularly, the slayer will be able to sense a vampire following her."

She raised an eyebrow. "Especially when the vampire is you."

He frowned. "I'm familiar with her abilities as well as her limitations."

Angel seemed to be thinking aloud, "Given enough distance, she won't be able to sense a vampire's presence - even mine." His tone grew decisive. "And if at some point she figures it out, we'll deal with it. Until then, we stick to the plan."

Resigned to his decision, Wesley and Cordelia turned to leave. Before following Wesley out, she looked back. "Angel . . . Shouldn't we tell someone - Giles or someone that we found her?"

Angel sighed letting his whole demeanor fall. "We call; they come, and she - I don't know what she'll do." He gathered himself up again. "We were hired to protect her, let's not make the job any more complicated than that."

She whispered, "But, it's Buffy."

Angel returned to his punching bag. "I know."


	8. Chapter 5: Things Which Concern You

Chapter 5: Things Which Concern You

He'd been in L.A. for months, but he never saw, sensed or even suspected her presence. He should have though. When she was a normal, happy girl, she called L.A. her home. Now, it was her sanctuary.

Ironic how in trying to escape the Hellmouth she ended up with Hell's representatives. No more so than the fact when he gave up the search for her, someone hired him to stay by her side.

After his team left for the weekend, Angel began his nightly patrol. Eventually, he found himself on the balcony outside her apartment. Although the lights were off, Angel knew she was inside.

For the first time in almost two years he could feel her presence. He felt drawn to it. As he approached her window, he could see she was asleep. Once upon a time it would have been too early for her to be in bed. He supposed late nights weren't a part of her new life - the one where she lived in sunlight and slept when the moon was high.

Safe in her apartment, lying in a warm bed, Buffy was the picture of innocence. Her expression: tranquil and serene as if the years of death and monsters and evil ex-boyfriends were just a bad dream.

Tracing her features through the glass, he promised never to return there unless it was absolutely necessary. She was his friend, lover, and source of inspiration, but he was just a dream to her . . . one she finally woke up from.

He didn't belong outside her window - not anymore, so reluctantly, he returned to his own apartment. After a century of living alone, he didn't think silence could bother him. But that night, the quiet of his apartment stole all his focus.

He ached to hear the steady tempo of a heartbeat or the cadence of breath. He imagined those sounds as well as a sleeping Buffy warming his bed. In a trance of disappointment, he spent the night dreaming of a life that never existed.

When he awoke, all those dreams faded leaving him with a desire to train. He did tai chi to focus his energy and pulverized a punching bag to release it. When night fell, he felt energized again and ready to leave the apartment. Although he did not intend to see her, the knowledge it was possible made him anxious.

It did not take long for his nightly patrol to become Buffy patrol. Eventually, he felt himself drawn to an old theater, so when he saw the couple coming down the steps, he wasn't surprised. Lindsey held her about the waist and murmured something which made her smile. As Lindsey's hand caressed her stomach, Angel's attention was drawn to the proof of her pregnancy.

Evil or not, Lindsey gave her the life he never could complete with weddings and babies. All angel could offer was demons and battles. He promised to fight by her side, but he never once kept her from fighting. He couldn't.

Watching them laugh, he felt it his fate to long from afar. While he envied Lindsey, he didn't harbor hatred. In more ways than one, Angel thought himself the lesser man, for he never made her laugh.

The revelation haunted him the rest of the weekend.

By Monday, he was eager for the case to begin. Wesley watched her during the day while he spent his time avoiding Cordelia and her not-so-subtle inquiries ("So stalk any blondes this weekend?"). That night, Gunn took over watchdog duties, and Angel was free once again to watch from afar.

Tuesday proved just as uneventful. Buffy sat at the same coffee shop and waitressed the same shift every day. She spent any extra daylight hours working at the shelter. Since she never went out alone after dark, the night shift was the easiest. It involved sitting around or inside her apartment building until dawn.

Wednesday saw the first excitement. While Wesley parked outside for the morning shift, both Gunn and Angel sat inside. They wanted to see she made it out safely before calling it a night.

While Angle hid in the shadows of an overlooking balcony, Gunn sat on the lobby sofas stifling a yawn. It wasn't quite seven yet, so the space was mostly deserted. They both heard light footsteps enter the lobby.

Seeing a stranger approach the blonde, Gunn instinctively gripped his the knife. He hadn't noticed anyone in the lobby before the girl, but looking around it made sense. The scattered suits seemed to blend into walls, and Gunn was sure the young woman hadn't noticed them either.

"Mrs. McDonald may we have a word."

She turned keeping distance between them. "And you are?"

Two more suits approached her both wearing neutral expressions.

"We're associates of your husband from Wolfram and Hart. Would you allow us to escort you out?"

Buffy's hand slowly disappeared inside her handbag. "I'm thinkin' not. Good bye now."

"We would appreciate it if you refrained from making a public scene."

"I'll make a lot more than that if you don't get out of my way." She attempted to get passed them.

"We apologize for the inconvenience, but it is imperative that we speak to you."

Gunn stepped in. "Is there a problem?"

"This does not concern you." One of the men turned to him.

He clenched his fist in preparation. "Looks like the lady wants to go."

The strangers shared a knowing look before a few background men raised their weapons. As Angel stalked them, he realized they were tranquilizers. Before he could incapacitate them, he saw a stream of occupants flow out of the elevator.

Seeing the opportunity for direct confrontation passing, the three suits retreated. "Of course Miss."

Confused, she watched as they disappeared in the crowd. Gunn brushed against her arm. "You okay?"

Shifting her attention, she appeared pleasantly surprised. "Gunn? Yeah, I'm fine. A little wigged, but - what are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "A buddy of mine needed a favor. I'm thinkin now he didn't give me all the info."

"Well, you certainly have my gratitude."

He scanned the lobby for the suits. "Who were those guys?"

Her senses perked up and she looked around anxiously. "Not sure and not real eager to find out either."

"You sure you're okay?"

With a lingering gaze on particular set of shadows, Buffy stepped towards the front doors into the morning light. "Yeah, Gunn, can I catch up with you later. I gotta go."

"Sure." Glancing back at the shadows, Buffy scampered to the street. He thought she'd look back again. Instead, Gunn watched as she let the stream of pedestrians carry her away.

"Bye."

After a few moments, Gunn turned around to see Angel heading towards the stairwell. Curious, he jogged up to him. "Dude, how come you didn't tell me we're tailin' shelter Anne?"

Angel spared him a glance. "You know her?"

"Who doesn't? I swear the girl is everywhere. Always helpin' get kids jobs, apartments, diplomas. Everyone I know has crashed there a few times."

Angel descended the steps quickly entering the parking garage. "Now you know."

Angel's sullen state didn't deter him. "What I don't know is why she needs protecting. She ain't the owein the bookie type. I'm telling you, she's stays clear of serious trouble."

"Her husband doesn't."

"So Country boy has a dark side."

Angel stopped a few feet from the sewer entrance. "What do you know about him?"

"Suit, easy going, likes helping at the shelter -ya' know - raising money, talking to kids. He takes care of any law troubles they got. Not exactly into dangerous living."

"You hear of Wolfram and Hart?"

"Evil law dudes who just hassled us."

"He works for them."

"Damn." His voice got low. "Wait. Are we protecting her for Lindsey or from him?"

Angel stopped walking. "He's trying to leave the firm; they're having trouble letting go."

"Does she know?"

"That he's leaving: yes. That she's in danger because of it: no."

"I'm pickin up a bitter vibe."

Ignoring the comment, Angel continued walking. "It's good you know her. Means you can hang around without alarming her."

"I guess."

"If you're up to it, you should take over today. Wesley can cover the uneventful night watch."

"I guess Anne and I have some catching up to do."

Angel entered the sewers with a frown while Gunn headed for the street eager to find the only woman he knew to get under Angel's skin. There might be more to shelter Anne after all.


	9. Chapter 6: Oops

Chapter 6: Oops

"Two sightings in one day. Don't know what to make of that."

Carrying a box of paint supplies, she smiled at the man loitering in the doorway.

"I was in the neighborhood. Thought I'd drop by. . ." Gunn rocked on his heels a bit " . . . make sure no other suits were bothering you."

"That's sweet and also totally unnecessary. I'm well taken care of." She glanced around the room full of kids some of who looked pretty strong. The tallest sat in the corner sorting a box of miscellaneous wires.

He nodded in his direction. "I see Sunny is still hangin' round."

"While he doesn't live here anymore, he still likes to visit. Not everyone is the vanish into the night type." Buffy set the box down on a counter with a pointed look.

Smiling sheepishly, he searched for a new topic."Where's Lil?"

"Right here." A tall blonde came around the hall wrapping him in a tight hug. "It's good to see you. How've you been?"

Buffy smiled at the pair. "I'll leave you two to catch up."

Grabbing some supplies from the box, she paused. "You staying for a while?"

Watching Lil put her hair up, he grinned. "I'll be around"

"Good."She matched his grin turned away.

"So I'm doing fine. How 'bout you?"

Still smiling, Lilly stepped out of his embrace. "Busy. We're working on repairs, upgrades, stuff like that. Anne is set on leaving behind a big dent in the project list."

He scanned the room for the blonde. "Where she going?"

"Her and Lindsey are moving to Ohio this weekend. His brother offered him a job in his garage and this way they can raise kids near grandparents."

"Wow, this weekend, huh? That's fast."

"Not really. He's been wanting to for awhile now. More so, since she told him about the baby."

"I'm not much in the loop these days, am I?"

Lilly observed quietly, "You haven't really been around."

"I know." His demeanor went serious. "I just haven't felt much like seeing people - not since. . . ."

Gunn sighed gratefully when Lilly didn't make him find the words.

" Everyone understands. Anne misses her too - hasn't been the same. I think it's what made her finally agree to the move."

Gunn and Anne weren't too close, but Alana and her definitely were. While she lived with her brother, Alana spent most of her days at the shelter. If she wasn't helping out she was hanging with Anne and the kids. Her death made the city's darkness more real. Lilly could understand Anne's fear of raising a kid here.

Looking at the place Alana loved so much, he sighed, "Time doesn't stop huh?"

"No, it doesn't." She mused, "Seems like yesterday Anne and I were cooking our first meal here."

"The way Sunny tells it, that lead to you guys fixing your first sink."

"He would remember that."

"Two blondes trying to fix a sink with scotch tape and a wrench is pretty memorable."

"That was the first time we heard him laugh, and the first time anyone saw her glare which only made him laugh harder."

"I really don't know what I'm going to do when she's gone." Lilly kept laughing to keep the tears at bay. "Makin a mess of things isn't nearly fun without a second blonde to share the credit with."

Looking around, he knew how far the place had come."She and I have our disagreements, but it's hard to picture this place without her."

Lilly followed his gaze remembering their first few weeks and all the work they'd put in since "She's still gonna run the finances: the bills and tax stuff. I guess the rest is up to me now."

Gunn spared a glance to the now empty corner. "I take it Sunny knows."

"She is my best friend, but I think he's gonna miss her more than anyone. He's practically been living here since he heard."

Gunn nodded.

He knew this shelter changed the kid. When he came back to camp last year, he was different - older but younger at the same time. He wouldn't even answer to their name for him - just the one Anne gave him. Of course, they ragged on him for it, but Sunny never minded. He lived with the crew and fought with them, but everyone knew where his loyalty lay: with a petite blonde in a struggling shelter.

Gunn wasn't surprised to hear Sunny was hanging around more; , but he did worry about after she left. Would he even be Sunny then?

Putting off the glum thought, he turned back to Lil. "Mind if I hang around a bit? I could help with the projects you got goin."

"Stay as long as you like, a lot of the kids have been askin about you." Following her deeper in the shelter, he heard greetings from all corners. Lilly held his hand as he took in the many familiar faces. For the first time since Alana, he felt like he was home.

That day, Gunn helped Sunny and the girls tighten pipes, repaint rooms and put up shelves. His presence got more kids to help out too. Telling jokes and sharing stories, he put their spirits at ease much like Buffy could. When they finished working, the kids were still bursting with energy, so Buffy and Lilly decided to throw an impromptu party

Even though he planned to stay for it, he still called Wes to pass on protector duty. Considering he'd been awake for 30 hours, Gunn wanted to stop playing bodyguard. He felt better after the call.

He was kind of a spy before, but now he was just a friend. When she saw how tired he was, Lilly led him to a couch where several teens surrounded him. With a beer in his hand and a girl by his side, he listened to the latest goings-on and answered whatever questions they'd saved up.

Around eleven thirty, two boys came up to Buffy. After she heard their whispers, she followed them out of the room. Gunn saw but didn't think it cause to worry. In a teen shelter, crises were normal. Besides, anything out of the normal could be handled by Wes. Comforted by his reasoning, Gunn turned his attention back to the kids before him.

Buffy followed the boys down the road. Seeing them stop, she looked where they were facing, but all she saw was a dirty alley.

"Where is it?"

Walking cautiously, she heard an answer. "It was near that dumpster."

Buffy tightened her grip on the stake. "Are you sure it was a vampire?"

She didn't want to embarrass them, but she'd investigated enough "vampires" which were actually homeless people to know kids made mistakes.

"Guys?"

Behind her, several masked figures silently approached. Knocking one assailant into another, she turned around with a strong kick. They quickly regrouped and moved to rush her at once. These definitely weren't homeless people.

Watching people come and go from the party, Wesley stayed alert for any demons or lawyers trying to enter. Surprised by the late hour, he debated about going inside and making sure she was still inside. Just when he started to leave the car, he saw Buffy leave the building with two boys.

Remaining a safe distance away, he followed them to nearby alley. He couldn't hear what they said but after she entered it, the boys took off. Immediately, he began crossing the street with a knife in one hand and a stake in the other. Lacking sufficient light, he heard the scuffle before he saw it.

Buffy heard more footsteps behind her but couldn't investigate. One of them kicked her side sending her head first towards the wall. As quickly as she fell, her attacker fell too being hit from behind. Seeing the black mass beside her, she considered the newcomer an ally.

With him beating one assailant and two having retreated to the back of the ally, Buffy could focus on fighting only one. Unlike the one who kicked her, the figure before her was certainly human. With a few sharp kicks and a strong left hook, she managed to knock him out.

Hearing more fighting towards the back of the alley, she approached finding her newfound ally struggling for balance. She staked the opponent from behind but when he neither disintegrated nor fell back, she withdrew her stake to skewer his throat instead. Helping the man up, she fell back in surprise when he pushed her away. Once she hit the wall, she realized he'd pushed her away from another attack. A shout from down the alley distracted her from joining the fight.

She could just barely make out the shape of three men, one of which lay on the ground clutching his side. The other two were violently engaged. The taller one caught her attention.

His brutal grace and billowing coat . . . the tingles in her gut . . . it was all so familiar . . . too familiar. Observing her ally, she saw him ably fending off his opponent. He didn't need her help, so with a parting glance back, Buffy hastened toward the street.

His stake was too small and his opponent too agile. Dodging a blow, Wesley retaliated with a punch to the stomach. Taking advantage of the moment, Wesley crawled to find one of his discarded knives.

Straightening back up, he pushed his enemy into the wall and sliced open his abdomen. The creature punched him back before falling to its knees. Trying to regain his breath, Wesley surveyed the area. He didn't see her.

Not knowing if she had been capture or merely fled, he called out, "Angel, she's gone!"

"What?" Angel gave his enemy one last kick thus rendering him unconscious. He swung around to face Wesley.

"Buffy's gone."

Angel looked around hoping he was wrong. His eyes returned to Wesley's. 'No. No, she couldn't be gone - not again.' He rushed pass Wes, "We have to find her." He tried to catch up to him, but as soon as he turned the alley corner, Wesley saw that Angel disappeared too.

"Tracking chips for both of them; that would solve everyone's problem."

The sun was just starting to rise, when Angel returned to the office.

Wesley looked up the case file. "Anything?"

Angel slid a hand down his weary face."No."

"You couldn't track her?"

He slumped into Cordelia's desk chair. "There were homeless people wearing her clothes and drops of blood on multiple buildings - not enough for serious injury, just enough to-"

"Throw you off her trail."

He rubbed the bridge of his nose trying to relax and think simultaneously.

"I used to be able to sense her, but every time I tried, I got distracted."

"- By the decoys."

"She must have seen me."

"I'm afraid that is the likeliest explanation."

"At least she wasn't captured. I followed dozens of trails. She laid them all night, kept moving."

Wesley didn't find that comforting. A kidnapping they could deal with; an awol slayer. . . that was different.

Of course, he wasn't going to tell Angel that. Instead he nodded absently. "You should get some rest. Gunn and I will continue the search while the sun is up."

Angel remained seated. "This is the second time she's disappeared."

"I know."

He looked at the covered windows. "If she doesn't want to be found, I don't know if she will be."

"We will find her," Wesley promised with more conviction than he felt.

When the slayer disappeared last time, she left no trail that her friends, watcher, or vampire boyfriend could follow. Of course, she had a husband now, a job, and people who depended on her not disappearing.

But she had left family, friends, and duty before. Wesley didn't doubt she could do so again; the only question was would she.


	10. Chapter 7: Enclosed Spaces

**Thank you for all your reviews. In response to feedback, I left this one long chapter instead of splitting it into smaller ones. **

Chapter 7: Enclosed Spaces

Over the past week, she sensed she was being followed. Patiently, she waited for her stalkers to reveal themselves believing she could handle anything.

Well, almost anything.

Having discarded her outerwear, Buffy blamed her shivering spine on the cold night air. Truthfully, seeing him again had chilled every bone in her body.

Hugging herself tightly, Buffy felt like the high school girl she used to be: the one without a husband and child, and who far from having her life together, watched as it all fell apart.

While her mind ached with various emotions, only fear registered clearly. She didn't think when she shed her jacket and sweaters or when she cut her hand on a dumpster.

Sensing the walls of her life were closing in, her instinct demanded she flee before they crushed her with their weight.

Avoiding both work and home, she walked all through the night. When she saw the first sign of daybreak, she sighed in relief. Sunlight was good; it meant safety and time to stop and consider her next move.

Even then, she didn't rest until the sun was high and the streets were bathed in light. With the few dollars she carried, she bought a large cup of coffee and took it to a table outside. That was where Wesley found her.

Excited at the find, he called Angel on a nearby pay phone. Relieved and slightly disbelieving, he asked Wes to bring her to the office. Ostensibly, it would help them protect her better. In truth, it would help them keep track of her.

Wesley shared his fears. For the entire conversation, he kept his eyes on her afraid if he even blinked, she'd disappear. Before hanging up, he promised he'd try to convince her of their plan.

Cautiously, he approached her table and sat down.

"Mrs. McDonald."

She continued staring ahead. "Mr. Alley guy."

Unnerved by her calm, he shifted in his seat. "My name is Wesley Windam Price. I am a former watcher and current employee of Angel Investigations."

She mumbled, "I was kind of hoping last night was a stress-induced hallucination."

He gave a slight smile. "Sorry to disappoint."

"I know last night appears like your past reemerging, but what's happening now isn't about that. Your husband hired my associates to protect you while he makes arrangements to leave his firm."

Finally, she looked him in the eye. "Protect me from what?"

"Wolfram and Hart."

She gave a dry chuckle. "They don't take career changes lightly, do they?"

Her nonchalance left him flustered. "I'm afraid not which is why I'm requesting you come back with me to our office. The firm knows you're being watched, but they're running out of time and might risk public encounters."

She gave an absent nod before responding. "Why are they after me instead of Linds?"

Deciding honesty was best, he replied, "They want to use you as leverage against him."

"Uh huh . . . And it's purely coincidence that out of all the bodyguards my husband could find, he picks you guys?"

"That, or fate."

She looked down into her coffee. "Fate, huh?"

"In either case, the fact remains that you are in-"

"- grave danger." How many times had she heard that before?

"I don't know how aware you are of your husband's work, but his firm represents the worst criminals in the city - human and demonic. It is quite powerful and right now it's focused on you. Until you and Mr. McDonald are outside the city, you aren't safe."

She didn't respond.

" . . . It would be best if you stay with us until this is finished."

Something about his words resonated. "Finished . . . comforting thought, but nothing ever is, is it?" Sensing his unease, she shook herself slightly.

"Don't mind my ramblings, I'll go with you. If I'm being watched mind as well drop the pretenses about it, but I'm not ready to - I mean I'm not ready for. . ." her eyes looked for some type of anchor.

"Yes?"

She sighed. "You and your associates can play watchdog all you like, but not him. I'm voluntarily staying at your office so that should compensate safety-wise."

He considered her for a moment. "I can't make any promises, but -

"This isn't a request; it's a condition. Mr. Price, I know I'm out of line. You're just doing a job and trying to keep me safe, but still, this isn't negotiable."

"I'll do what I can."

A certain thought tempted Wes to smile. "You know your husband made the same condition for different reasons of course, but still." From her serious expression, he gathered she did not find the observation as amusing.

Finally, she returned eye contact. "Is he going to be alright?"

"I wish I could answer that. All I can say is that he knew the risks going involved." She nodded forcing herself not to dwell on what those risks might be.

"We should leave soon.".

Buffy threw her cup away. "I need to stop somewhere first if that's alright."

"Certainly, we can take my car." Together they walked to Angel's black convertible. After helping her in, he learned their destination.

She said it would only be a few minutes. After assuring her they were in no hurry, Wesley asked to use their phone. Feeling relatively safe in the shelter, he decided to give Angel the update.

She searched out Lilly after grabbing her emergency overnight bag,.

Lilly smiled from the kitchen."Hey."

"I have to take care of a few things. It might take a couple days." The intensity in her eyes belied her casual tone.

Lilly knew Buffy hated when people worried about her, so she just nodded.

She held back tears but her voice still wavered. "I'll come back for a proper goodbye. Don't worry; I won't disappear." She tried to give a smile. When that didn't work she gave her a hug instead.

Lilly clung to her tightly. "Promise?"

She pulled pack to see her face, "Cross my heart hope-"

Lilly shook her head. "Don't."

Anyone else and the phrase wouldn't matter, but this was Buffy. Lil hugged her again.

Understanding her fear, Buffy smiled into her hair. "Yeah, I promise."

Feeling the anxiety pouring out of her, Lilly stroked her hair whispering. "Everything will be alright."

It was false hope, but hope nonetheless. At the moment, it was what Buffy craved to hear. She could deal with reality later. For now, she wanted the lie.

She asked it of Giles once, and he complied. Today, Lilly gave it without needing to be asked.

"Promise?"

Lilly pulled back wiping away a disobedient tear. "Yeah."

Wesley appeared in the doorway apparently finished with his phone call. He didn't say anything, but Buffy knew it was time to leave. She stepped out of the embrace. "Sorry to bail on the kitchen sorting today."

Lilly blinked back tears. "No worries."

Buffy nodded and followed Wesley out of the shelter.

They drove to the office in silence. When they parked, she remained still. "Does Lindsey know?"

She could have been referring to many things, but Wesley understood. "He gave us no indication that you were more than you claim to be, and no one at the office informed him otherwise."

"Good. That's good." With that, Buffy opened her door and walked across the street with a look of determination.

As soon as they were inside, Wesley locked the door behind them. He really didn't want to sort out potential clients from kidnappers right now.

A tall brunette stood up from her desk. "Buffy."

Buffy stepped walked forward cautiously. "Cordelia?"

Wesley followed behind her. "Indeed, Miss Chase is also employed here."

Cordy observed Buffy beginning to pale. "You okay?"

She gave a tight smile. "It's just been a really weird day."

"Angel's downstairs if you want to go see him."

"I'm good."

Instead of looking around the office or chatting with Cordelia, Buffy strolled toward the window. The light illuminated her thoughtful expression.

Wesley glanced towards the stairs. "I have to take care of something for a moment, will you be alright here?" Buffy nodded. "If you need anything, all you need do is ask."

"Thank you."

He shared a look with Cordelia before heading down to the apartment.

Angel sensed him that moment he entered. Wesley watched pummel the punching bad. "She's upstairs with Cordelia."

After a slight pause, Angel returned his work out. Wesley was neither surprised nor offended. He left him to his thoughts knowing Angel would process the information in his own way.

Apparently, Cordelia and Buffy hadn't spoken since he left. Buffy sat on a bench near the window scanning a notebook while Cordelia typed on her computer. He approached Buffy warily.

"What are you working on?"

She flipped through some miscellaneous papers. "Shelter's finances, diner finances: bills, receipts, tax forms. I figured since I'll be here for a couple days, I can use the time to get caught up."

"I'll leave you to your work then."

Wesley went to Angel's office knowing Cordy would soon follow. Indeed, not two minutes after he entered, Cordelia came in closing the door a bit. Keeping an eye on Buffy through the crack, she whispered, "What happened to the not-letting-her-see-you plan?"

"She saw us."

He didn't think Cordelia should be surprised that the plan which none of them thought would work had indeed failed.

Cordelia spared Wes a quick glance. "That doesn't explain why you brought her here."

"She's been attacked twice, once in broad daylight, and again by a team of highly trained humans and demons. The firm doesn't fear a public scene nor using the supernatural making this the safest place for her, it's not perfect, but it's the best we could think of."

"And Angel agreed?"

"It was his idea."

Her pained expression puzzled him. "I take it you two have yet to talk."

"I don't know what to say, 'Thanks for all the postcards. Oh, wait, you didn't send any because you were busy makin' time with evil - again.'"

"You don't have to talk to her if you don't want to."

"Don't I? I mean she's here. Nearly two years without a word and now . . . don't I owe it to them to ask?"

Wesley didn't understand. Even as a former watcher, he didn't feel the need to alert others to her presence or discover the reasons for her absence. He worked for Angel now, so her safety was his only concern. She was a case first, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, second.

"She's here so we can protect her, if you choose to take this opportunity to talk to her, that is up to you. You aren't obliged to anyone."

She looked back at the door. "She's sitting in the office's only patch of sunlight."

"I noticed that."

"The Buffy I knew couldn't keep away from Angel. She never avoided him."

"The girl you knew hadn't killed him yet."

He understood her last memories of the slayer were made before certain defining moments. He imagined, the Buffy Summer of only a few hours later would be just as unrecognizable to her as the current one was.

"We should probably head back now." Cordelia merely nodded.

With her enhanced hearing, Buffy picked up the whole conversation. She tried to block it out but only for a little while.

Even though what Cordelia said hurt, the way she said things made her grin. Cordelia's tactless comments reminded her of the heated arguments she had with Xander. He shared Cordy's distaste for subtlety. As she let her mind recall their conversations, she started to remember her other best pal, Willow, as well as Giles, who often rolled his eyes at their antics.

She didn't miss the town, but she certainly missed the people of Sunnydale.

This was the reason she stayed near the sunlight. If a few tidbits of Cordelia's conversation could bring up so many memories, what would contact with Angel bring?

She really didn't have the time for a break down.

Right now, her husband was risking himself, her baby was in danger, and she was away from the people she trusted most. If everything worked out, when this was over maybe she'd see him. . . then again, maybe not.

Her calm, placid face betrayed none of her internal monologue, and when the others came back in, they were none the wiser. Cordelia returned to her desk, and Wesley pulled out some books. Now that Buffy was staying with them, they had nothing to do but wait. Working silently, each of the occupants tried to focus on the tasks before them.

But downstairs, Angel couldn't keep from focusing all of his senses on the blonde upstairs. He tried to catch her scent - hear her voice, but given the distance, he could only sense her presence.

It was enough though.

Buffy was his dream woman -literally, and the tingling in his stomach assured him that he wasn't dreaming. He didn't imagine her, or the case, or Wesley's phone call informing him she was alright. As long as he sensed her here, he could trust his sanity.

Around one, Cordelia offered to bring back some food. In her absence, Wesley let his curiosity break the silence. "Does anyone else know of your . . . condition?"

Slightly disoriented Buffy tried to focus on Wesley's question. "You mean my pregnancy?"

He coughed nervously. "I was actually referring to your abilities."

"Oh." Buffy stopped writing.

"I mean one can hide many things but not his fundamental nature."

"No, that you can't hide, but I never have. My name, my _abilities_ - it's just interesting trivia, but the important stuff: who I am? They know. The people really in my life, they know."

"I never thought it possible to separate the two."

She considered him a moment.

"You up-to-date on the watcher diaries?"

"Yes."

"Then you know I've had two watchers. If things were different, you could've been my third. Wesley Price . . .Your name is just as British as theirs, your training and knowledge similar, but you will never be them. I can tell you're you, whoever that is."

Wesley rarely thought of himself independent from the group he belonged to. Being fired from the council, however, gave him the experience needed to understand her answer. She was more than her credentials just as he was.

"Well, since we'll be spending the next few days here, maybe we can get to know each other."

Buffy didn't return his smile. "I get to know people all the time. I'm here to protect my son and disappear. That's all."

She didn't mean to be cruel, but she wasn't interested in dealing with watchers right now. It took all her energy to keep from focusing on the vampire downstairs.

Seeing the disappointment in his eyes, Buffy returned to her work. She just wanted to keep her mind as calm as possible, and dry financial work helped with that. She hoped he understood, yet at the same time, she knew it wasn't possible.

Cordelia returned to find both occupants engrossed in their work. Immediately, she picked up an awkward vibe. Her suspicions were confirmed when Wesley scurried off to Angel's office to 'check on something'. Of course, knowing herself, any question about his exit would come out like an accusation, so she didn't comment .

After setting out the boxes Chinese, Cordelia tried for a neutral subject.

"You know how to do that?"

"What?"

Cordelia nodded to the pile of abandoned financial records. "Money stuff."

"Took me a while to get the hang of it and I still get stuck sometimes, but I know enough to help a few places."

"Never figured you as the math type."

Buffy chuckled. "I wasn't."

"I'm not much for it either, but since I'm the only one who sees this as a business, I end up having to take care of it anyway.

Buffy dug into her chow mein. "Someone has to."

"Exactly, right? I swear the only thing that saved me were those high school computer courses." Cordelia regretted the comment immediately. Not only did it refer too Sunnydale but also to Miss Calendar, the computer teacher Angel murdered. She half expected Buffy to start crying or shutting down, but she did no such thing.

Still smiling, Buffy responded, "When I first started, we didn't have a computer, so I had to work it out by hand. It wasn't the worst thing though since I only remember taking one computer class in school and didn't attend it much." Her casual tone left Cordelia stunned.

She wasn't acting, or pretending, she was just chatting over Chinese. Buffy managed to recognize her past without getting caught up in it. Cordelia wished she could do that.

"You don't use a computer?"

"Well, now I do. I took some courses at the junior college and used the library computers till I could afford my own."

Cordy could relate.

"I can't wait till I'm a famous actress and don't have to worry about money anymore."

"Giving up on marrying wealth?"

Cordy gave a wry smile. "Not unless it has a spine attached. I've had enough dates ruined by demons to know that most rich guys are big ol' cowards. I don't know what changed, but I need more from a guy - like bravery and stuff."

"You want to respect him," she offered.

"Exactly. Unfortunately, the guys I can respect usually don't have big paychecks, so I'm resigned to earning my own fame and fortune."

Buffy nodded. "Good for you. How's that going anyway?"

"I've had a few auditions and am making a some contacts through the club life."

Cordelia told she some more about the people she'd met, and to her surprise she actually listened. Instead of nodding absently, Buffy looked right at her; she smiled, commented and acted genuinely interested.

As they continued chatting over Chinese, Cordelia started feeling at ease with her. Buffy seemed fine - normal even. While she knew certain subjects were still sensitive, she didn't feel the wrong one would trigger a breakdown. The woman across from her wasn't a mess; she was just Buffy.

After they ate, Buffy and Cordelia returned to their work. While the room was still quiet, it wasn't an awkward silence. Occasionally, Cordelia voiced a frustration about a client or office supply, but mostly they were content to share the space quietly. Wesley, however, avoided the space the rest of the afternoon.

As night fell, Buffy started to doze. She hadn't slept the night before, and even if she had, the events of the day would have drained her. Hearing Wesley come in, she perked up.

"You don't have to stay late Cordelia."

Cordelia looked up from her magazine."Well in that case, I think I'll head home. Buffy, you can stay with me if you like."

Glancing at Buffy, Wesley cut in, "I'm afraid, leaving the office wouldn't be wise. Wolfram and Hart is still looking for you and would take advantage of any opportunity."

"I understand." As long as her baby was safe, Buffy didn't care where she stayed.

"There's an apartment downstairs you can stay in." Seeing her panic, he rushed on. "He's out now, but he plans to return in a few hours to work in the office."

All Buffy could do was nod.

"He'll be here if there's any trouble to make sure you don't come to harm." Wesley turned to Cordelia to say a short good night.

Before she left, Cordy felt compelled to give her a hug. Being in the same building as Angel was one thing, but staying in his apartment -in his bed . . .

Cordelia tried to conceal her concern with a soft smile and a cheery, "see ya tomorrow," but the gratitude in Buffy eyes made her falter a bit.

Wesley watched Cordelia leave then returned his attention to Buffy. "The apartment is just down those stairs. I'll be here for a little while if you need anything."

Buffy murmured her thanks before descending the dark stairwell.

Upon entering, she was struck by how familiar it seemed. Everything about it was so . . . Angel: deep and dark, simple but welcoming. The weapons on the wall may have intimidated others but not Buffy. They were old and timeless, like him. Some, she could tell, he'd made himself.

She imagined him living here: training in the main room, opening the fridge, going to sleep . . . The large bed in the corner of the room caught her attention. She didn't want to disturb anything, but she was too tired to resist.

Pulling back the cover, she laid down gently savoring the scent: ivory soap and worn leather. The familiar scent was so comforting, she couldn't hold back her tears, and soon, sleep claimed her.

After a quick patrol, Angel returned. He sat in his office as Wesley packed up his things.

"She's downstairs. Probably asleep by now." Angel didn't respond. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"And say what? That the woman I love who's been missing for two years is now just downstairs, and even though she's married and carrying his child, I still want go to her and beg her not to stay?"

"If it's any consolation, I'm sure she's shares both your confusion and frustration."

Angel lowered is head mumbling, "She doesn't love me anymore."

Hearing his dejection, Wesley's tone softened. "You can't know that."

"She ran from me and asked you to keep us apart."

"I never said-"

"You didn't have to. She didn't come down, and you didn't ask me to come up."

Reluctantly, he conceded the point. "She said she wasn't ready to see you, but she didn't sound angry. She sounded scared, Angel. She's just taking time to prepare herself."

He shook his head. "No. She's waiting until time runs out. At the end of the week, she's leaving. Whatever happens with Lindsey, she'll be gone by Sunday."

Instead of disagreeing, he observed, "You've known that for days. That's not what's bothering you now."

Angle looked up with desperate eyes."She knows I'm alive and doesn't even want to see me." At that moment, he sounded like a child wishing for someone to lie about the world so he could understand it.

Wesley fumbled for a response. "Give her time."

After, Wesley left, Angel settled back in his chair for another night of brooding.

_What changed? _The last time he talked with Buffy, she told she loved him. The conversation ended with her killing him, but he didn't doubt she meant what she said. Maybe the time a part led her to re-evaluate things.

Maybe she hated him or feared him, or perhaps, the love he still cherished and dreamt about, she'd simply forgotten. That still didn't explain why she wouldn't see him. At the very least, shouldn't she be curious about his resurrection?

Not that he had any good answers, but the point was she didn't ask for any. All she wanted was to get back to her normal life - the one with a husband and child. No amount of time would change that.

She had moved on, and somehow, he would have to accept it.


	11. Chapter 8: Releasing Anne

Chapter 8: Releasing Anne

"What can I get you?"

"Just plain toast and coffee."

He looked way too nice to be eating at this dive, but returning his smile, Buffy guessed the handsome stranger felt at ease anywhere. Something about him exuded confidence as if he owned the whole world yet felt no urge to flaunt it.

"Coming right up."

He watched her saunter away with his order. Wolfram and Heart had just entrusted him with a major case and he felt like celebrating. In the mood for something new, he wandered about L.A. for while.

Looking in the windows of different shops, he caught a glimpse of her: a radiant vision of innocence and goodness. Blonde and petite, the girl was taking someone's order when she caught him staring from across the street. She quickly broke eye-contact and went about her work determined not to give her handsome admirer another thought.

Not sure what to expect, Lindsey entered the diner causing a little bell to announce his presence. He found a booth near the one he saw her waiting on and smiled as she approached.

After she took his order, he considered how to proceed.

He rarely went in without a plan, but that is exactly what he'd done. Somehow, he knew if he didn't enter right then, he would lose whatever feeling she had stirred in him.

While it was all a little confusing this much was clear: she was a remnant of the past reminding him of former dreams. Just watching her brought back an optimism and gaiety he had thought long lost.

His musings passed the time, and soon she stood before him again with his order in hand.

"Thank you miss . . ." He looked for her name tag. "Anne - pretty name"

"Thanks, it's just a nickname, but I don't mind it," She flashed him a big smile and started to turn away.

His mind tried to think of something to say, anything, to keep her longer."Any chance you'd tell me your real one?"

"Little if any. You're asking for my whole name when you haven't even given me a clue to yours. That's hardly fair."

She rarely flirted with men and never at work, but she couldn't help but be interested. For some reason, she sensed the man before her really saw her - the real her. She hadn't felt that way in a while . . . not since A- not since before . . .

"Lindsey. Lindsey McDonald."

"I must say your chances are improving, but I think I'll stick with Anne for now."

"Well then, Anne, would you like to join me?" He looked around the practically empty diner. "Unless you're expecting a sudden rush of customers. I'd sure appreciate the company."

He flashed a smile to rival hers as gleams of playfulness shone in his eyes. Walking away wasn't an option. The same force which drew him inside compelled her to stay.

One moment, she saw Lindsey sitting before her; the next, an unfamiliar ceiling.

Upon catching up to her, the waking world found her angry. Lindsey wasn't gone, so there was no reason to seek solace from the dream world.

From now one, she'd save the reminiscing for when she actually needed it.

Fully awake and determined, she checked the time. Seeing it wasn't yet dawn, she doddled a bit before heading upstairs. Wes had coordinated the night time switch well, but she didn't think he'd be able to orchestrate another.

Finding the main room empty, she let out a sigh of relief. His office door was closed which meant he wasn't waiting for her. Whether because Wesley told him or he shared her preference, Angel was keeping distance.

As long as he left her alone, she didn't care about the reason.

Sitting down beneath the front window, Buffy watched the office slowly fill with light. When the sun had fully risen, she pulled out her work from yesterday. She noticed Wesley came in early, and after a short greeting headed for the closed door.

Entering quietly, he saw the vampire asleep at his desk. Angel roused quickly upon sensing his presence.

Wesley pulled up a chair. "Good morning. I trust last night was uneventful."

"It was fine."

He started setting out the books he'd brought for the day. "She's working in the front office right now if you'd like to go downstairs for some rest."

Angel knew who he meant, just as he'd known that Buffy had been out there for a couple hours.

"I've had plenty of rest."

The truth was he'd barely slept an hour. He didn't want to go downstairs until he heard her voice. He couldn't hear her from his apartment, but if she talked with Cordelia or Wesley he would be able to hear her from here.

Her voice was one of things he missed most about her. Like the tinkle of porch chimes, her voice was musical and comforting. It was the sound of home, and he wanted to hear it a few more times before she - before he couldn't anymore.

Wesley studied him a moment. "Alright then."

Cordelia arrived soon after eyeing the coffee pot. "You made coffee," She observed before taking a sip. She gasped, "You made really good coffee."

"A lesson learned from the waitress gig."

"This isn't diner good, this is four bucks a cup good. If you can make coffee like this at home, why do you go that coffee shop every day?"

Buffy looked up in surprise. "The being followed thing is never not going to be creepy."

Cordelia just shrugged.

"So . . ."

Buffy tried to remember the question, "I actually don't go there every day. Most mornings Linds and I have breakfast together, but with everything going on lately he's been a bit rushed."

Cor struggled to hold in a sarcastic reply.

If Buffy noticed her discomfort, she didn't let on. "The days when he leaves early, I go because I know a few of the kids working there."

"From the shelter?"

Shed nodded, "I like seeing them and hearing how their week is going. Besides, I enjoy watching the city start its day. It's comforting somehow . . . helps me think."

"I get it."

Cordelia took another sip of her coffee before looking to the closed office door.

Buffy answered the silent question. "They're both inside."

Cordelia nodded, and Buffy returned to her work.

Inside the office, Wesley focused on Angel, and Angel focused on the nearby voices, one voice in particular. He didn't know whether to smile or cry but he felt this was the way life was supposed to be.

For just a moment, he pretended she was a part of his life and would be there every day, joking, complaining - filling the office with her music. But if hearing her voice made his eyes water, hearing it stop made him want to plead. He blinked tears away, but his undead heart grew more distressed the longer the silence stretched.

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door. Angel froze.

Wesley appeared startled too. "Come in."

Carrying cups of coffee, Cordelia entered. "I didn't figure you'd be coming out and getting it yourself, so . . ."

Even though he should've expected it was her, Angel was still rattled. He couldn't manage more than a quiet 'thank you' when she put them down.

"No problem. So any impending doom I should know about?"

"What?" With everything that was going on, the mention of doom made him jumpy.

"You two were in research mode yesterday and are doing the same today, so what is it demons, prophecies . . ."

Wesley replied, "No, no, nothing to be concerned about. Just catching up on some neglected translations."

"Good, because I am so not in the mood for doom; the gloom is bad enough."

Wesley sipped his coffee. "I must say, Cordelia this is a great improvement on your usual brew. Excellent in fact. "

"Thanks, but this was Buffy's doing."

With new interest, Angel picked up his cup. "Buffy made this?"

"Yeah. You'd think she was after my job or something if she wasn't, you know, trying to skip town with her evil hubby." Wes noticed him take a slow sip.

"Well, I'll be out there if you need anything."

The morning passed in relative silence with everyone trying to concentrate on their own work instead of the situation. For lunch, Cordelia brought back sandwiches. After giving one to Wesley, Cordelia returned to the main room to eat with Buffy.

Forgetting her earlier attempts at control, she blurted, "So, what's with you and Wes? I mean he's avoiding you almost as much as broody guy."

"I think I offended him."

"How?"

"Same way I probably offended the other one."

Seeing her confusion, she explained, "He was staring at me like I was some kind of experiment or something and then started asking these questions. I haven't been around a watcher in a while, and I-I reacted poorly to the scrutiny. I blew him off."

"That explains the awkwardness." Cordelia took another bite.

"I should have handled it better, but I'm just not interested in being studied."

"I'm sure Wesley didn't mean it like that. He's British, it's kind of their way."

Buffy collected her trash. "I remember."

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?" She said sipping her water.

Cordelia summoned her courage before asking her next question. "Why didn't you contact anyone? Your mom, Giles . . ."

She screwed on the top back on. "I did."

"What?" Buffy had her full attention.

"Awhile after I left, I wrote her. I still call on holidays and birthdays just to let her know I'm alright - that I'm doing okay."

"We never, I mean she never. . ."

"-Told anyone? I didn't ask her not to, but I didn't think she would either."

She was still shaking her head. "Why not? She must have known how worried everyone was."

"She avoids that part of my life. I think she's hoping if she keeps quiet, she can pretend it didn't exist."

That made a kind of sense. "But what about Xander and Willow? They were your best friends and Giles, he's your watcher. You could have written him let him know you were okay. He deserved that much."

"And he got it."

Buffy forced herself not to get defensive speaking calmly, "As I said, I never expected my mom to tell him - especially after our last conversation, so I did. I called him and left a message on his answering machine."

"That's it?"

"My mom respects my privacy. Reaching out to her is safe. Even without clues to where I am, I imagine Giles still tried to track me down."

Cordelia sighed. "He never stopped."

"The thing is, I don't want to be found."

"I just don't understand why I'm only hearing about this now. Why didn't he tell us you called?"

"You'd have to ask him that. Which by the way don't because then you'd have to tell him that you've seen me."

"Buffy, it's been two years."

"That part of my life is over. I want to keep it that way."

Smiling, she gestured to herself. "Kinda late for that, don't ya think?"

Buffy gave a sad smile. "Seeing you here doesn't mean I have to go back to that life."

She stared at the closed door. "Neither does seeing him. If I come across them later in life, that's fine, but talking to them while they're still there - it's different. I made a life away from Sunnydale much like you guys are doing now. Please, Cordelia, don't tell them."

She seriously considered the request for awhile before finally answering. ". . . Okay."

"Thank you."

Hearing her gratitude, she gave a reassuring smile. Buffy just wanted a normal life. and after watching her save the world, Cordy believed she deserved one.

Without a word, Wesley came in and started going through the filing cabinet. The women were content to ignore him until he huffed, "Where is the Jones' file. I'm looking under J and it's not there."

"Which one was that?"

"The one with the possessed child."

"Look under K for kid case" Cordelia turned around just as he pulled out the file. "See?"

He slammed the drawer shut. "Your system is the epitome of chaos."

"It makes sense."

"Last name of the client makes sense; this is senseless."

"Name of demon is less senseless," Buffy offered.

When both of them stared at her, Buffy began to fidget.

"What are you more likely to remember: the name of the demon you spent days trying to excise and hack or the stranger who told you about it? Your already think of cases in terms of supernatural phenomena, no reason the files can't do the same."

Wesley stood stunned both by the idea and its proponent. "Quite right."

"Quite wrong - I don't want to reorganize all those files."

Wesley scowled. "It's your job."

"No, my job is to file. I did that. If you don't like my way, you can be the one to redo it."

Buffy shook her head in amusement. "I'll do it."

Cordy looked at her with bright eyes. "Really?"

"What else do I have to do? . . . besides watch my nails grow."

Her eyes narrowed "You sure you're not after my job?"

Buffy put on her polite smile. "You want me to deal with the files or you?"

"I'll be quiet now."

"Thank you." Buffy got up and walked over to the file cabinet

Cordy mused, "Seeing as you're our only case right now, I guess I have time to help you."

"You're too kind."

Still holding the file, Wesley announced, "Well, I'll leave you ladies to it."

"See ya."

Returning to the office a little later than he intended, Wesley explained. "Finding the file took longer than expected. Cordelia's system takes some getting used to."

"Understatement."

"Well, Buffy is reorganizing the files now so . . . "

Angel looked confused. "Is that good?"

"She wants to sort cases by type of paranormal activity instead of clients names.'"

Considering the idea, he nodded. "Smart."

"Yes, well Cordelia is helping her, so we'll just have to wait and see how it turns out." After a shared smile, they both let the office fall back into a comfortable silence.

As Buffy put the demon names on the folders, Cordelia placed them in the cabinet. Surrounded by files, Buffy began to frown. "There isn't a demon name for this one."

"Oh uh, that was the thing that moved into bodies after doing the nasty and then eviscerated the ones it left behind"

Buffy moved towards the desk. "Can I use your computer for a sec?"

"Sure." Cordelia gave up her seat. "I most demons are yuck-tastic, but that one was just -ick."

After some quick typing and sporadic clicks, Buffy waved her back over. "This it? A Burrower?"

Seeing the picture, demon name, and M.O. on the screen, Cordelia's jaw went slack. "How'd you do that?"

"The internet may not have all the answers but between demon encyclopedias and databases of supernatural phenomena, it has quite a few."

"How did I not know about this?"

"No clue, but you do now."

Buffy moved to stand up when Cordelia leaned down. "Show me where you went."

Seeing her raised brow, she added, "oh yeah, please?"

"And take a break from filing? Why Miss Chase, you astonish me."

"Okay, maybe it's good Wes is avoiding you. Any more time with him, and you'll start drinking tea and cleaning your glasses."

"Cordelia, I don't wear glasses."

"Which is why having an impulse to clean them would be bad."

The rest of the afternoon was spent in front of the computer, and the files lay forgotten.

Around nine Cordelia pulled out her compact mirror and began primping

"Big date tonight?"

"Just a friend thing. Me and dating haven't exactly been mixy things lately. I mean there was one guy. We almost were together, but then he died, and then to adding to the ugh, my last real date ended in a demonic pregnancy."

"I thought _my_ love life was complicated."

"I just need a break you know? I mean, when all the 'Mr. Rights' have either evil motives or short life-spans, it kinds makes a girl lose hope."

"Well, I'm in no a position to offer you any."

Switching out her earrings, Cordelia turned to face her. "I don't know how you do it. I date losers and by the time we break up they're still losers. You date uber evil, and after things end they're actually really good guys - all with the courage and self-sacrifice.

"Are we forgetting the time I unleashed the Scourge of Europe?"

"But he didn't stay scourgey. Now he's Mr. Hero helping the helpless."

"That has nothing to do with me."

Unaware of her discomfort, Cordelia blurted, "Like you would know. You guys haven't talked in two years."

"Exactly. I wasn't even there to see the transformation - let alone be a part of it. If anyone helped him become who he is, it's you."

"Me?"

"And Wesley, and all the people he works with every day."

Hearing her sincerity, Cordy decided it was time to impart some much needed reality. "There is more than one way to affect someone. You're the reason he's tried to be a better guy just like you're the reason Lindsey is trying. Face it; you're the Sandra Dee for guys everywhere. Hell, even Xander was better for knowing you."

"I bet you leave a lot of good in people too - probably more than you know."

"Please, Xander became a cheating schmuck and Wesley turned into a leather-clad ninny."

Her eyes grew wide. "Okay, that made no kind of sense. Xander, cheat? and Wesley in leather? I mean misjudging one sure, but both?

"You see? I make losers even more losery. One of these days, you have to pass on your secret."

She sat quiet for a moment before turning back to the computer. "I don't know how to make guys better, but I do know how to make them drool." She waved to the screen which was displaying a pair of lace-trimmed pumps.

"You've been holding out on me."

"When I am less pregnant, these darlings are at the top of my list."

"Since I don't share your top heavy problem, they're at the top of mine." Cordelia continued staring at the screen.

"Shoes cure everything from love troubles to apocalypses."

"Don't I know it."

Wesley entered the main office room bewildered to find the two women on such friendly terms.

In his prior conversation with the petite slayer, she expressed no desire to connect with anyone during her stay, yet here she was bonding with a former classmate.

Rather than displeased with the change, Wesley felt hopeful. Perhaps, given a bit more time, she'd be ready to reconnect with a former love interest as well.

Cordelia looked up from the computer and Wesley standing by the door awkwardly.

"Buffy has been showing me some demon sites. She's setting it up so when I put in demon specs it searches through all of them for potential matches. It's like our own demon database."

"That's quite astute, I didn't realize you were proficient in computers."

Still facing the computer, Buffy grinned. "Just one of my many abilities."

"She's currently giving me some new tips and tricks for online shopping."

Buffy justified the activity explaining, "Sometimes a person's schedule can't accommodate the urge to shop. Online is the only solution."

Cordelia focused back on the screen now displaying various scarves. "If you weren't on an evil law firm's hit list, I would totally suggest a shopping trip."

"It's probably for the best; you might not be able to keep up with me."

"Me not keep up with you?" Cordelia scoffed, "I think you've got that backwards."

"Cor, I was the shopping queen of L.A. long before you came here and have since reclaimed my title. What can I say? It's my destiny."

Cordy had never seen such a playful smirk on her before. "Switched out one calling for another, huh?"

"Well, this one has better accessories. Not that I don't love a crossbow, but the rambo look only goes so far."

Cordelia couldn't hold in her laughter anymore. "Oh my god, where were you when I was rich?"

"In the graveyard," she stated matter-of-factly.

"Well, at least your kid will be well-educated. The last thing the world needs is another fashion victim."

Buffy grinned. "Me and Linds already decided that our son is going to be adorable. He'll have no choice in the matter."

Clearly uncomfortable and ready to go, Wesley cleared his throat. "Yes, well it's getting late. I shall see you in the morning Buffy."

Cordelia looked at her watch and grabbed her purse. "I should probably get gone too."

Buffy walk them to the door. "Good night guys."

"G'night." All alone, Buffy turned her attention to the closed door.

She felt his presence just as he always felt hers. Tomorrow, she'd leave making tonight her last temptation . . . as well as her last chance.

She took a deep breath.

Looking back at the door and knowing he was probably doing the same, Buffy entered the elevator. All she had to do was keep herself together until tomorrow.

After changing, Buffy crawled into his large bed savoring every moment. This pleasure, she wouldn't deny herself. In a way, it was his last embrace, and she planned to enjoy it while she could. Whatever tomorrow held, at least she had tonight.

Only a few minutes ago, she'd been standing outside his door. While he didn't want to pressure her, he hoped she'd come in. It was their last night together and maybe their last opportunity for real closure. But instead of calling her in, he remained seated awaiting her decision. His answer came with the groan of the elevator.

He loved her and wished her happiness. If that meant staying away, then he would.

With that being true, Angel stared at the door with one thought spinning through his head: That was their last chance, and he let it slip away.


	12. Chapter 9: Liminality

**Happy Halloween!**

**This chapter is a bit short, but longer updates come to those who wait.**

**Note about the title: Liminality comes from the Latin word "limen" meaning "threshold." It is the condition of being in-between two states. **

**The reader can determine its relevance. I'd love to hear your interpretations if you're willing to share them. **

Chapter 9: Liminality

Buffy woke up smiling and reached out across the bed. Feeling a empty spot, she frowned. While the scent on the pillow and the remnants of her dream told her Angel was there, her eyes confirmed he wasn't.

But this time was different. Unlike previous mornings, Angel was actually just upstairs. If she called for him, he would come if for no other reason than to protect her.

Fisting her hands in the sheets, she snuggled further into the bed. As frustrating as waking up had been, Buffy recognized how rare of an opportunity this was. Tomorrow she'd wake up in a different bed - one that didn't smell like him or hold his imprint.

After showering and repacking her bag, Buffy made Angel's bed for the last time. She couldn't help but grace one of the pillows with a chaste kiss. "Forgive me." With one last look at the apartment, she stepped into the elevator and ascended to the world above.

There, she took her place in front of the window watching as the dawn approached.

Not for the first time, she wondered why the early hours seemed the most foreboding.

Did the night whisper of perils even as the sun drove it into exile? Was each new day just another opportunity for pain?

Even now, the hours of dawn held echoes of another morning - one which began with great turmoil and ended with him calling her name.

That was the whisper she heard in the morn: a helpless "Buffy?" from long ago. She gave the memories her ear, heeded their warning, and awaited what the day would bring.

Both Wesley and Cordelia came in early.

Pouring herself a cup of coffee, Cordelia noticed Buffy at her desk. "I'm kinda having trouble picturing the office without you."

Buffy looked up from the computer smiling, "Just think quieter and less blonde."

"Seriously though, I expect post cards and e-mails from you - none of this lone message on the answering machine crap."

With a grin, she looked back at the monitor, "Buffy e-mails- you sure you're ready for that? They have been known to have comics attached."

"It's okay. If I deem them too cheery for the gloom which is my workplace, I'll just read them at home."

Acknowledging the seriousness of the request, Buffy gave Cordy her complete attention. "Don't worry. I don't think I could disappear on you if I tried."

While sighing with relief, her sassy smirk fell back into place. "Of course you couldn't."

Instead of heading straight to Angel's office, Wesley spent the day in the same room as the ladies. They worked and giggled while he shook his head from behind several books.

When Cordelia returned with lunch, the atmosphere changed. They shared a relatively quiet meal together while Buffy fidgeted anxiously in her seat.

Around three, Buffy began to pace the small office listening for nearby cars or footsteps.  
>They both tried to distract her, but she couldn't focus on any conversation topic for long.<p>

Eventually, the office settled back into silence.

The hours continued to pass and soon the sun started to set.

Buffy stopped pacing and crossed her arms as if somehow they could hold her together. Afraid to disturb her, Wes and Cordy were both startled by her outburst.

"He said early Saturday, right? So why isn't he here?"

"I don't know Buffy." With the utmost caution, he approached the topic they'd been avoiding all morning, "but it might be time to discuss your case."

Buffy started to pace again, "So, discuss."

He looked to Cordelia for support. "When he hired us, Lindsey gave specific instructions in the event that he not return today."

"What might those be?" She had answered absently, but he much preferred that to hostility.

"He told us to get you out of the city before another day passed - you and your son."

Understanding lit her features. "How considerate of him. Well, I'm vetoing that plan."

Wesley gently reasoned, "He would not want you to wait for him."

She stopped abruptly. "He wouldn't want to die either."

"If he has not arrived by nightfall, he is dead already."

She sat down but should no sign of weakening. "Maybe, or maybe he's alive - close to death - and needs my help."

His mouth dropped. "You can't seriously be suggesting taking on Wolfram and Hart."

"I can and I am." When Wesley didn't respond, Buffy went back to facing the window.

Overcoming her shock, Cordelia joined in. "Buffy, I understand you're worried about Lindsey, but you can't beat them. They're too strong."

"She's right. Wolfram and Hart isn't some demon you can defeat. It's powerful and organized. Just gaining confirmation of his death is too big of risk; You would be endangering all our lives."

Buffy's tone lost all emotion. "No, just mine and junior's."

"Which are precisely the two lives your husband didn't want risked!"

From stoic, her tone became annoyed. "Well, he's not here right now, so his wants are pretty irrelevant."

"It's suicide."

She turned to Wesley. "Maybe, but it's all I've got."

With fierce determination, he declared, "We can't let you do this."

With sympathetic eyes, Buffy replied, "You can't stop me either. I'm not your responsibility anymore." Buffy slowly stood up, "Consider yourselves fired." She started walking towards the exit when she felt a familiar presence enter.

"You're not going anywhere."

Buffy turned around to find a determined Angel standing in the e doorway. "You're not the client, Lindsey is. He told us to keep you safe, we have. He wants to get you out of town, we will. We leave in an hour."

He noticed she didn't appear angry or shocked, just extremely alert as she glanced towards the exit.

"You're trying to figure how fast you can reach the door." Her eyes shot to his as she gripped the chair in front of her. "Not fast enough to avoid a fight. You've been out of the game for two years Buffy. You can't beat me and you can't beat them. This is my office, and I want this case closed."

He started to turn around when her voice stopped him.

"A lot has changed since Sunnydale, for starters-" Picking up the chair, Buffy threw it against the window shattering the glass and causing everyone but her to jump back. "I don't have to fight to win - not anymore."

Buffy stepped over the window sill through the in-pouring light. "I don't need to take on the whole firm to save Lindsey. I get in, get out, and get gone." When she looked at Angel, her eyes shone like green fire.

"I don't give a damn about your job title or your deadline. My husband is in danger and I'm gonna get him out of it."

Facing Cordelia and Wesley, her voice softened. "If you get in my way, I will fight, I will win, and I will leave you where you fall. Either help me, or stay out of it."

Covered in glass chips and shallow cuts, Buffy strode out of the office and onto the street.

Watching her disappear in the crowed, Cordelia smiled softly. "Now that's the Buffy I remember."


	13. Chapter 10: The One You Remember

Chapter 10: The One You Remember

**Part 1:**

It didn't take long for Angel Investigations to reach a consensus.

No matter the risk, they would come to Buffy's aid.

Since the sun still shone, Wes and Cordy drove the car to Wolfram and Hart while Angel took the sewers. They hoped one of them arrived before her.

While they doubted her ability to rescue Lindsey, they weren't were willing to let her try alone.

In particular, Angel worried what would happen is she failed. Buffy wouldn't leave without Lindsey, but if he was already dead, her stubbornness would get her killed.

To ensure her survival, Angel brought some tranquilizer darts with him. Losing her to another man was near unbearable, but losing her to evil - He would not accept.

Standing across the street from Wolfram and Hart, Buffy braced herself. The men who harassed her and the demons who attacked her came from that building.

She rested her hand over her stomach. Taking a deep breath, Buffy reminded herself that this was for him, so he would know his father. This was her family, her responsibility, and she would risk anything for it. She knew this because standing in the building's shadow, she was about to risk everything.

As the sky grew dark, Buffy felt as if a door locked behind her. Forward was the only option. As she approached the entrance, she felt him come to her side.

Without breaking her stride, she murmured, "It's been awhile since I've taken on these odds."

"It'll come back to you." Walking across the spacious lobby, they found an empty elevator.

As Angel pressed a floor, Buffy noticed he was actually sweating. "You okay?"

"Fever: I needed to get passed their vamp detectors which really just detect things around room temperature."

"Do I even want to know how you got one so quickly?"

He paused. "Same way you did."

Remembering her last fever, she scowled. "You drank a virus?" She remembered doing that to see a demon when she was admitted to Sunnydale Hospital. "You better pray we don't have to fight."

"I can fight fine. You were only human then, and you still killed 'death'," referring, of course, to Dirkinderstad: the demon that stalked the children's ward.

"And had to be carried back to my room afterward. How do you know about that anyway?" Angel didn't have a soul then, and it wasn't like they spent the last few days catching up.

"Watcher diaries."

Determined not to think about what else he read, she focused on the current situation, "Just try not to pass out."

Angel mentally smirked at her sass. Buffy used to shy away from certain topics, but she never shied away from him. She challenged him, leveled with him, and back then even loved him. That thought brought him back to the present, and the rest of the elevator ride passed in silence.

When the doors opened, Buffy realized she had no idea where they were going.

"Any chance you know where his office is?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You don't?"

As she walked, her mind seemed to wander. "He never showed it to me or had me meet him here. It was like he was ashamed of this place. Go figure."

"Just follow me."

When they reached Lindsey's office, Angel wasn't surprised to find it empty. While Buffy logged onto his computer to look for clues, Angel listened at the door. He knew Lindsey was probably dead but she wouldn't leave until she knew for certain. If she had to, she would search the entire building, so Angel couldn't leave until she was satisfied.

"Nothing. Lindsey hasn't been on this computer in two days, and all of his e-mails are encrypted." That didn't shock him either. The office wouldn't be unlocked unless important information was already protected, and if Lindsey was already dead, it made sense that he hadn't logged on lately.

Buffy continued on undeterred. She searched the entire room, listened to all his messages, and when that yielded nothing, she went in search of another office.

Not entirely sure of what they were looking for, Buffy stopped in front of a placard which listed the floor's offices and conference rooms.

"A sign saying 'wayward employees this way' would be really good right now."

Angel scanned their surroundings. "What's the plan, Buffy? or are we just going to wander aimlessly until someone catches us?"

Starting down another hallway, Buffy answered his first question. "We try to navigate this place, find him on our own, and if that doesn't work, then I'll pay a visit to Lindsey's boss."

"Do you even know who that is?" Lindsey said he kept her away from the office, and considering she didn't even know where his was, Angel guessed he did a pretty good job.

"Mr. Holland," She answered confidently.

"I know that because Linds complains about him all the time." With a bit more confidence, she took another turn. "And if he isn't here, I can always pay Miss Morgan a visit."

"Lindsey complains about her too, huh?"

"Yes, and it helps that I met her a few times."

"You met Lila Morgan?"

"Intelligent . . . ruthless . . . beautiful in a cold, soulless kind of way."

He nodded absently. "That'd be her."

"She was always so sweet to me, constantly trying to get tidbits of info on Linds - something she could use against him."

Listening, he tried to imagine her life before this week. She met his gaze with a hard, determined look. "If the firm did something to him, she'd know." She nodded across the open hallway. "That's her in the conference room."

Angel turned his gaze to the two security personnel coming their way."We may not make it there."

Buffy clenched her fists. "You're not going to faint on me are ya?"

Keeping in mind their time restraints, he assessed the guards strength. "I'll handle this; go talk to Lila."

She observed his perspiring forehead. "You sure?"

"I'll catch up with you when it's over."

She practically sprinted to the conference room as Angel charged the guards. Her momentum had her breaking the hinges as she burst through the door.

Rather than shouting or calling for security, the occupants exited in casual silencer. Even Lila seemed indifferent to her presence. Before she could ask anything, a voice called from the corner.

"Anne? What are you doing here?"

"Lindsey!"

There he stood with surprise in his eyes and a loving smile. Since the day they met, there wasn't a time he wasn't happy to see her. She burrowed in his embrace.

"You're okay."

Rubbing small, calming circles on her back, he spoke softly, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Still holding onto him, she stepped back. "Come on, we have to get out of here."

"I still have some work to finish. Why don't you toddle on home, and I'll see you in a couple hours."

Tightening her grip, she insisted, "We have to leave now."

He cupped her face in his hands stroking her cheek. "Annie, you can leave anytime; no one will stop you, but I have to stay."

"I'm leaving," She nodded. "but you're coming with me." She covered his hands with hers. "Don't make this harder than it has to be."

He started to pull away from her. "Can we finish this later? I have a meeting in a few minutes."

Holding his hands in hers, she used her slayer strength to pull him along. "Sorry, but you're not going to make that meeting."

Maybe it was her hormones or the situation, but she was done discussing. Ignoring his protests, she pulled him out into the hall, but they never made it to the elevator thanks to the group of security coming their way.

Tightening her grip, Buffy decided to use the mazelike floor plan to her advantage. With the security on her heels, she sped down the halls making sharp turns to throw them off.

Angel had just finished disposing of his foes when he saw a streak of blonde cross the room. It was dragging a man who looked a lot like Lindsey. As the scene started to make sense, he let out an unnecessary breath. 'She found him!'

Angel's relief was short-lived when he saw the group of guards chasing her. The size of the group made him realize his part in all of this. He would take on the guards, but it was up to Buffy to get Lindsey out. If she found trouble, he wouldn't be able to help.

Trying to temper his fear, he reached for faith. If there was anyone he trusted with her safety, it was Buffy herself. With that thought, he pounced on the guards taking all of his frustration and helplessness out on them. If he kept them occupied, Buffy would find a way out . . . she had to.

She knew they didn't have time to get lost, but when the guards appeared, all she could focus on was getting them off their trail. Now, she realized the guards stood between them and the elevator.

Coming to an abrupt halt, she faced Lindsey with desperate eyes. "I don't know what's wrong with you, but I don't care. We're cut off from the elevator, and I don't know another way out. Please, help me."

She saw his jaw tightening and could feel him return her grip.

"This way." His pace was quick and determined. He knew where he was going, and she would follow wherever he led. When they entered the stairwell, she didn't even question why he chose up instead of down.

Reaching the next floor, he turned to her, "There's a hidden exit on this floor in one of the supply closets, but," He took a breath, "I don't remember which one."

"Okay, so we try them all." She started to move forward but the pressure on her hand increased. She saw regret in his eyes.

"I'm just telling you so if something happens to me-."

"-No, you and I are both making it out of here, even if I have to drag your unconscious ass the whole way. Now, come on."

There was definitely something wrong with him. Lindsey always put them being together first. No case or meeting - no commitment had ever been more important than that. Now, he was trying to leave her, or get her to leave him. While it annoyed her, she didn't have time to try and figure why.

They emptied two closets with no success, and according to Lindsey there were at least three more on this floor.

"Damn it."

As they were approaching another, they spotted two guards at the end of the hall.

Lindsey saw them first and alerted her.

They tried to reach the closet before them, but the guards were closer and had been watching for them.

One pulled out his baton eager to strike, so Buffy punched him in the stomach forcing him down.

Buffy kicked a gun out of another guards hands before he could use it. As the first guards staggered to feet, Lindsey punched him hard sending him back against the wall. Buffy turned around just in time to see small skewers appear on the guard's arms.

The guard behind her changed too, so she focused on hitting his abdomen while avoiding his arms. As soon as she threw him to the ground, she heard Lindsey shout behind her.

She spun around to find Lindsey pinned by a demon. She pulled it off of him removing a skewer in the process.

More guards appeared down the hall.

**Part 2:**

Holding his stomach, he rasped, "Run."

"No." She dragged him into the supply closet just as the new guards spotted them. After leaning Lindsey against wall, she barricaded the door and began pulling down shelves in search of a latch or door or anything that might be a way out.

When she couldn't find anything, she turned her attention to Lindsey.

"Take off your jacket and your belt." He stayed quiet as she pressed the jacket against his wound.

She fastened the belt around his stomach to keep the jacket in place and tried to ignore the banging on the door.

"I don't know if I've mentioned this already, but I really hate your office."

Standing up, he let out a mangled laugh. "It's not all bad." Planting her foot on the shelf barricaded the door, she looked at him with a tight smile.

"You ready?"

Taking a deep breath, Lindsey tried to return her smile. "Right behind ya."

"You better be."

When he nodded in understanding, she kicked the shelf out of the way and broke the door down. Clearing a path with brutal kicks and punches, she deftly avoided the demons' skewers. As she made her way through the guards, she kept Lindsey in her peripheral vision. He promised to follow her, but she wasn't taking any chances.

He didn't disappoint. Throughout all the chaos, he never lagged more than a few feet behind her. After breaking through the group, she grabbed his hand and took off down the halls. Lindsey couldn't help but grin as she pushed aside everyone from lawyers and demons to janitors and mail men. She even tried to throw a couple behind to slow down the guards.

Lindsey spotted a closet to the side. As Buffy pushed a coffee cart full speed at the guards, he hurried to the door. "Over here!"

She sprinted inside as Lindsey started clearing the shelves. Reaching the back wall, he fell to his knees. "Anne! This is it."

Buffy muttered a quick thanks to God before breaking the latches lock and pushing Lindsey in.

The small tunnel became more of a laundry chute ending in the sewers.

Lindsey fell through first with Buffy landing right on top of him. He groaned aloud but kept her from moving off of him.

Leaving back against the curved sewer wall, he focused on his breathing. He caught her hand as she tried to check his wounds.

"Annie, what are you doing here?"

She traced the side of his face. "Saving you."

She didn't understand the look in eyes as he murmured, "I love you."

He ran his fingers through her hair, and Buffy relaxed into his touch. "I love you too."

After a moment, she pulled herself up. "Now, come on, we've got to get you to a hospital."

As he let her help him up, he shook his head. "They'll find us there. I'll just patch myself up when we're somewhere safe."

"We'll go back to Angel's office."

Buffy put his arm around her shoulder making him lean some of his weight on her. Together they made their way out of the sewer.

After helping Lindsey up the ladder, she looked around to see where they were. The sewer entrance lay across the street from Wolfram and Hart close to where she'd stood earlier that night. They started down the road but froze when they heard voices behind them.

"That's them."

"I'm not so sure."

"Well I am, so stop being a pansy."

As soon as she heard the insult, Buffy knew who was following them. She slowed her pace as a the black car pulled up.

"I'm no pansy," Wesley muttered.

Cordy called out to them. "Hey guys, need a lift?"

As Buffy nodded, Wesley looked around for a third figure. "Where's Angel?"

"We split up."

As she helped Lindsey into the back seat, a thought occurred to her. "But he probably doesn't know I got out." She looked back at the looming office building. "I can go back in- try and find him."

Cordelia immediately sat up straight. "Oh no you don't. They invented cell phones for a reason."

She dug around her purse. "Seriously what is it with you two and technology? Angel's a two hundred year old vampire, so I kind of understand the reluctance, but what's your excuse?"

Buffy ignored her rambling. "Call him," she replied tersely. There was no way she could let him pay for helping her. He went in there for her; if he was still inside, she'd go back for him.

Cordy's voice broke her sober thoughts. "You busy? . . . Yeah well, I thought you'd want to know the happy couple made it out . . . .Yup, they're right here. . . . She's fine, actually wondering about you - if she needed to come back for you. . . . . As I thought. Okay we'll meet you at the office."

She turned back to Buffy with a small smile on her lips. "He says if you even think about taking another step near that building, he'll hand Lindsey over to them himself."

Angry threats were a good sign, but she needed more than that to walk away. "He's okay?"

Wesley was about to speak but Cordy beat him to it. "He's Angel, he'll be fine." Buffy glanced once more at the office building before crawling into the backseat next to Lindsey.

When they hit their first red light, Lindsey turned towards Buffy. "Have I finally earned your real one?" Not knowing what he was talking about, she remained quiet. "A year of marriage, kid on the way, near-death experience - I was just thinkin my chances might have improved."

Her eyes shimmered. "Buffy. My name is Buffy."

Closing his eyes, he shifted in his seat. "Mmm, Buffy, I like it. It suits you."

She ran her fingers thought his hair, "More than Anne?"

"Toss up." He grinned softly. "but you'll always be Annie to me."

Buffy noticed Lindsey was uncharacteristically quiet the rest of the ride. She knew there were still a lot of unanswered questions between them, but the silence worried her. There was something he was keeping from her. From his weary eyes and gentle touch, she knew whatever it was could change everything between them.

When they reached the office, Wesley and Buffy helped Lindsey inside.

Cordelia led them to Angel's office which held most of the medical supplies. Sitting him down, Buffy quickly removed the belt and the jacket from around his ribs. She accepted the first aid kit from Wesley.

As she cleaned his wounds, Lindsey remained quiet content just to watch her.

When Cordelia went to fetch some water, she saw a hunched figure coming out of the elevator.

"Angel!"

She forgot her task and flew towards him finishing the hug with a slug to arm. "You're late. Don't make me worry like that again."

He gave her a friendly smile while he scanned the office. Hearing the commotion, Wesley came out. "They're in your office."

Angel approached the doorway

He stopped when he smelled the air. "He's hurt."

Wesley explained, "A minor stab wound, but the bleeding has stopped, so he should be okay." Angel limped towards Cordelia's desk.

"How are you?"

"I'll live," Angel said even as he rummaged through the drawers for bandages.

Still searching her drawers, Angel lifted his head towards her. "Cordelia you don't need to stay. Go home. Get some rest."

Wesley nodded to her, so reluctantly, she accepted she'd done all she could for the injured occupants. "Okay, but I'll be back tomorrow."

After Cordelia left, Angel shooed Wesley away preferring to deal with his injuries alone.

His injuries became a lot less painful when he could focus on her voice.

"You need stitches."

Lindsey pulled her hands from his side and held them in his own. "Don't worry about it. I'll be fine."

She sighed in frustration. "Linds, you've just been stabbed."

"You should listen to her," Wesley spoke from the door way.

"See?" She said trying to squirm her fingers out of his hold.

Lindsey didn't acknowledge him. "It's not too deep, it can wait." What he said next stopped her squirming instantly.

"Anne, we need to talk."

His tone made her insides constrict. Keeping her eyes down, she tried to stall. "I know about Wolfram and Hart; the bodyguards you hired told me."

He squeezed her hands, "We don't have a lot of time."

Thinking he was concerned about safety, Wesley chimed in, "You can stay here for the night and leave first thing in the morning. We'll make sure you get out of town safely."

Lindsey's focus never wavered. "No, Annie, we don't have much time." He spoke each word slowly, and when she looked up she saw tears in his eyes. His intensity began to frighten her.

"What are you talking about?"

He didn't release her hands or even blink before answering. "A spell. Wolfram and Hart cast a spell."

"What kind of spell?" When he didn't answer right away, she asked, "Is this why you wouldn't come with me?" He looked down in shame.

"They think you're the reason I tried to leave, so they cast a spell to make me forget: you, us. As long as I stayed on the premises, I'd remember, but once I left, the spell would be cast."

She hastily tried to reject his words. "We'll undo it, we'll stop it."

"We can't. I tried."

"So we try again." She whipped her head around, "Wesley," she pleaded.

He answered quietly, "I-I'm afraid we don't have enough inf- information about how they're casting the spell to affect it."

"Oh God." She looked at their entwined hands as she started to fully comprehend what he was telling her.

As understanding graced her face, Lindsey's heart broke a little more. "Annie."

"When?"

"A few hours. By dawn." His voice became hoarse. "I am so sorry."

"I'll leave you two alone," Wesley stepped back into the main room not wanting to intrude any more than he already had.

Lindsey held her waist and lay his face against her pregnant stomach. "I'm sorry," he sobbed.

Buffy's eye grew distant as if she couldn't see anymore and never wanted to again. She closed them slowly letting a tear fall. Lindsey held her tighter weeping without restraint.

Standing still, Buffy grasped his shoulders as their entire life crashed around them. Her last thought before surrendering to her grief: _'not again. Please, not again. . . '_

Wesley and Angel walked to the front of the main room so they wouldn't disturb them. Wesley couldn't stop cleaning his glasses, and Angel kept fisting his hands in his pocket. He was the first to speak.

"They're smart." He didn't speak with admiration but disgust. "In order to save what he has, he had to give up what he wants. It's cold, sadistic and brilliant."

"That's Wolfram and Hart."

Angel growled softly. Evil shouldn't be allowed such intelligence. If there was a flaw in creation, that was it. He tried to temper his fury and focus on the matter at hand. "What now?"

Putting away his kerchief, Wesley replaced his glasses carefully. "That is for them to decide."

Seeing Angel move towards the door, he called, "Where are you going?"

"Out. I'll be back before sunrise."

"You can't change this Angel."

"I can try. Don't tell them where I'm going."

"That should be simple considering you haven't told me."

"To the source," he stated flatly as he opened the door.

"Angel wait-" the door closing cut him off.

Whatever happened, this much was for sure: it was going to be a long night for everyone.


	14. Chapter 11: Baby, Now That I Found You

This chapter takes it's name from an Alison Krauss cover. Credit where credit is due. Now, onto the story.

Chapter 11: Baby, Now That I Found You

Buffy and Lindsey stood in the doorway leaning on each other. Buffy broke the silence.

"We'd like to go outside for a bit - get some air."

Wesley sighed. "I must discourage it, for your safety of course." Seeing their disappointment, he hurried to find an alternative. "But if it's air you're after, you're welcome to go up on the roof."

He was rewarded with Buffy's deeply grateful eyes - as if he'd offered them the world instead of a rooftop. Leading them to the elevator, he noticed Lindsey leaning against Buffy's petite form.

"Do you need help?"

"No, I got it." She spoke softly with a kind look. "Thanks Wes."

"Of course."

When their eyes met, he felt they finally understood each other. Earlier slights and tiffs aside, they were close allies, and in the end, that was all that mattered.

As the elevator ascended, Wesley pinched his nose trying to keep his tears at bay. So much pain . . would there ever stop being so much pain?

Buffy helped Lindsey sit down, but he kept leaning back until he could stare up at the stars. She curled up next to him and for a while, they just lay like that: gazing at the sky and taking comfort in the other's presence.

When Buffy spoke, her voice trembled. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come for you. I shouldn't have-."

"-I love you." He stroking her hair, he continued, "Annie, when you came bursting through my office doors, I've never loved you more. You did nothing wrong -just the opposite. I am exactly where I want to be."

She pressed herself closer to him and began to cry. She didn't need to be the slayer in his arms; she could just be his Annie.

She spoke up softly, "One week till perfect happiness . . . that's what we said."

"Seeing you when I never thought I would again: it's pretty damn close for me." Lindsey turned to kiss her.

Resting his forehead against hers, he grinned. "Exactly how did you burst through those doors?"

She smiled. "It's a long story."

"I've got time." He had been trying to keep things light, but the comment brought the reality to the fore of both their minds. The truth was, he didn't.

With a sigh, Buffy pulled back. "Ever heard of vampire slayers?"

"One girl in all the world - yadda yadda. You're not gonna tell me you're her are you?"

"Uh huh."

He kissed her again, but froze against her lips. "You mean, I hired a vampire to protect a vampire slayer?"

She giggled at the irony, "Actually, you hired an ex-boyfriend to protect your wife."

"You and Angel?" She nodded tentatively unsure of his reaction.

She breathed a sigh of relief when he merely chuckled. "I imagined some crazy things about your past, but never this crazy."

Lowering her eyes, she asked, "Any regrets?"

"About you?" Sensing her anxiety, Lindsey nuzzled close. "Never."

When she met his gaze again, she found a loving smile. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

She whispered, "Lindsey, attorney for evil."

Lindsey moved to lie on his back bringing her with him. She snuggled into his side waiting for him to sort through his thoughts. "It's hard to picture you comprehending what evil is. There were a lot of reasons I never told you about my job, not the least of which was I didn't think you'd understand . . . I didn't want you to understand."

She fiddled with a button on his shirt. "I may be familiar with what you represent, but I don't get why you represent them."

"I'm good at it, and I was trying to prove something."

She looked at him curiously. "To who?"

"I don't know. Myself, maybe."

Lindsey became still. "Now that you know, any regrets?"

"We love each other and have been happy together since the day we met. What's there to regret?"

Instead of relief, she saw sorrow in his eyes.

"I'm sorry I lied to you and disappointed you. I'm sorry I won't be there when our boy comes into this world."

They'd both been so excited about starting a family. From doctor's appointments to nurseries, they'd treated it like their own private adventure. It was too soon for it to be over.

As soon as he mentioned their son, Lindsey began to sob.

"Shhh. We'll be fine. And I promise, he'll know how much you love him; I'll make of sure it." Lindsey scooted down and pressed his head against her baby bump. She stroked his hair and caressed his shoulder knowing that he needed this time to grieve. She would be strong for him now like he'd been for her.

He lay quiet against her stomach for a few moments trying to sort through it all. "How did we get here?"

She continued stroking his hair. "Beats me."

Now it was his turn to sound small. "One week till perfect happiness. . . ."

Such a simple phrase, yet it always produced the worst of consequences. Once again, Buffy felt the weight of all her past decisions. Maybe this was her fault, maybe she could have stopped it . . . . or maybe, just maybe, all love spelled its own doom. Perhaps tragedy is in love's nature and avoiding one would mean rejecting both.

Keeping one hand on her stomach, Lindsey scooted back up to lay by her side. Buffy pushed aside all her memories and focused on the man beside her. For a few hours more, she wasn't alone. Neither were particularly strong, but they would keep each other from crumbling.

They stared at the stars and listened to each other's breathing letting the life beside them quiet their souls.

When Lindsey spoke, it wasn't more than a whisper. "Where I grew up, the stars are so bright, you feel like if you reach out, you can touch them. That was the first thing I noticed when I moved here: how distant the stars are."

At his words, Buffy tried to picture the night sky of Sunnydale. "I can't remember what the stars look like at home. Never spent much time looking up I guess."

"Well, vampire's typically rise from graves, right? So, you being destined to dust them had to keep your eye on ground. Now, if vampires fell from the sky . . ." She couldn't help but laugh with her husband. That was her Linds - his weird jokes and comforting caresses keeping her sane.

Snuggling a bit deeper in his embrace, she mumbled, "Next time, a demon species gets created, you can be in charge of specs, but we have to accept vamps as they are."

"Well, you know Wolfram and Hart does have-"

She cut him off with a playful slap to the chest. "Shush you."

She looked up to see him smiling and felt herself smiling back. For a few more hours, he would be her Linds and she would be his Annie. Bringing her lips to his, she lost herself in their love.

For a few more hours . . .

An hour before dawn, Angel returned. Seeing him enter, Wesley put his book aside.

"Anything?"

"It's can't be undone."

"Not everything can."

Angel leaned against the wall. "Where are they?"

"On the roof. They should be down in a few minutes. She asked me to drive. We'll probably stop near downtown: somewhere safe where he'll be found soon."

"And after?"

Wesley looked towards the creaking elevator. "I suppose that's up to her."

Nodding, Angel turned around. "I'll be downstairs."

They came out of the elevator just as Angel disappeared down the stairwell. Supporting Lindsey, she whispered, "We're ready now."

As Wesley drove, the couple held each other in the backseat. Glancing at the rearview mirror, he noted that they didn't appear frightened or hysterical- even depressed. They just looked tired and nervous. Other emotions had come and gone. For Buffy, they would certainly return. But for the moment, all deeper emotions were put on hold.

The sky began to brighten as she helped Lindsey out of the car. Wesley offered his assistance, but she politely declined. He watched the pair limp down the sidewalk a little ways. Seeing them stop, he looked away to give them privacy.

After she helped him sit back against the wall, she noticed him drifting off. Sitting on her heels, she leaned in to kiss forehead. Barely awake, he reached out for her. "Stay with me. Please, until I fall asleep."

Nodding, Buffy curled down beside him so he could put his arm around her. Listening to his breathing steady, she closed her eyes and fought sleep.

Buffy opened them a few minutes later to see a brightening sky reflected in the office windows. Pinks and pale blues told her it was time. She gently pulled herself from Lindsey's embrace and noticed him stirring.

His eyes fluttered open. "Buffy, what's going on? Where are we? . . . I don't remember." The familiar words left her speechless. When she didn't answer, he focused his eyes a bit more. "What's happening?"

The fear in his voice pulled her from her daze. She stroked his face, whispering softly, "Don't worry about it." She knew they didn't have much time left, so holding back tears she pressed her forehead to his. "I love you."

He breathed deep and caressed her arm. "I love you too."

With all the love in her heart, she kissed him, and he returned it with all the love in his. Running her fingers through his hair, she tried to surrender and savor simultaneously. It was a kiss that should have lasted forever but ended in a moment.

As the sky grew brighter, his memory grew dimmer, and Buffy knew she had to leave before it went completely dark. With mussed hair and glassy eyes, she finally pulled away. Stroking his face with one hand, she held both of his with the other. "Close your eyes." Seeing them close, she leaned in for one last kiss.

Pulling back, she nuzzled both his hands before letting go. Then she stood up, stepped back and walked away . . . never noticing the figure in shadows watching from across the street.

As the sun's first rays hit the car, Wesley noticed Buffy walking towards him. It was obvious she'd been crying, but her eyes were dry when she entered the car. He waited before starting it.

"Can we wait? Just for a little while?"

"Of course. I didn't mean to rush you."

"I just want to make sure he's okay."

"We don't have anywhere to be."

As Buffy gazed at her husband, Wesley tried to keep from staring. She wasn't weeping, but her eyes showed so much emotion it was a difficult not to watch. After forty minutes, someone finally stopped to help. Buffy heard the stranger calling an ambulance and laid her head back against the seat.

"I'd like to go to the shelter now."

"Are you sure you wouldn't prefer to go home or back to the office perhaps? Some rest would do you good, then maybe later-"

"I don't want to go back there, and I don't want to go home . . . not yet."

"Alright." As they pulled away, an ambulance sounded in the distance. Wesley didn't slow, and Buffy didn't ask him to.

Upon reaching the shelter, they sat in silence for a few moments. "Buffy." While he didn't have anything to say, he felt something should be said. He settled on a quiet, "Stay safe." She nodded and got out. It wasn't until the door closed that he began his drive back to the office.

Buffy walked down the halls slightly dazed. To the kids, she looked purposeful, but to Sunny, she appeared distant as if she was focusing on something no one else could see. She found herself on the threshold of Lilly's office. "Lil."

When Lilly turned around, she was shocked to see Buffy in ripped and bloody clothes. What frightened her more though were the tears in her eyes. "Buffy. What happ-" Buffy cut her off by falling her feet. "Oh God."

Lilly didn't ask questions or offer words of comfort. Honestly, her mind couldn't think of any. The strongest person she'd ever known lay at her feet, and she was helpless to make it right. All she could do was hold her as she shattered.


	15. Chapter 12: How He Lives

**Chapter 12: How He Lives**

Days passed without a word from Buffy.

Though, without telling his team, Angel still acted as her nightly bodyguard. Occasionally, he snuck out to guard her during the day too, but since she rarely left the shelter, he couldn't tell how she was doing or what her plans were.

The not knowing nearly drove him insane. If it was possible, she consumed more of his thoughts now than when she lived with him.

It didn't help that her scent faded from his office and was currently fading from his apartment too. A few blonde hairs remained on his pillow, but that was it. The morning Angel woke up without her scent, he cursed himself for not preserving it better.

Cordelia watched as Angel poured himself yet another cup of coffee. She knew he'd watched Buffy last night and would probably sneak out today if he got the chance. Worried about his haggard appearance, she blurted, "She's still the slayer. She can take care of herself."

When he didn't respond, she sighed. "It's not like she hasn't been through worse. I mean she didn't have to kill the guy this time and hey upside: he's not dead . . . he just doesn't remember her."

Turning around slowly, he corrected, "He doesn't remember himself."

Seeing her confusion, he explained, "The person he became because of her is gone. He's no longer the good man she married."

"You're saying he's turned evil . . . kind of like you did?" Cordelia took a few second minute to process. "So maybe this isn't really better than last time, but it's not worse. When you turned, it was hard and granted I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention then, but she dealt with it. She went to school, had friends, saved the world."

He was about to reply when she rushed on, " -and even when she stopped doing those things, she didn't stop living life; she just made a new one."

She took his silence as agreement. "I don't know if she'll stick with it or start again, but I do know that she is going to be fine. She's Buffy." Her last words earned her a small smile.

The moment was cut short by the click of the front door.

Given who they'd been talking about, both looked for blonde but found short, dark hair instead. Trying to hide their disappointment, they looked behind Wesley to see a middle aged couple follow him in.

After Angel greeted the couple, he offered them a seat. Then, the husband began explaining why they had come. "There's something living in our neighborhood. About a week ago, my wife was attacked on her way home."

The woman shivered. "The way it looked . . . I just thought it was the shadows playing tricks."

"But a few days ago I saw it too." The husband held her hand in his. "It's as tall as a man, but it isn't one. It's eyes are pure black and it's skin . . ."

"It was rippling," the wife supplied, "almost like it was boiling." Cordelia wrote down their description while Angel and Wesley exchanged questioning looks.

Mistaking their puzzlement for skepticism, the husband became defensive.

"We've only seen it at night, but we've seen it enough times to know it isn't the shadows that make it look that way."

His wife whispered desperately. "You might think it's crazy, but I don't think it's human. The sounds it makes, and that smell. . .

"Do you believe it's after you?"

"I don't know." The husband tried to elaborate. "We've never seen it in the same place - we've just come across it around our street. The thing is, we've avoided it so far, but one of these nights we might not be so lucky. We've already stopped going out after dark, but what if it tries to get in?"

"We'll take care of it," Angel stated to which Wesley added, "Yes, not to worry, we've handled stranger cases." As the couple stood up to leave, Cordelia called out, "But staying inside after dark is never a bad idea." As soon as they left, she sat down at her computer.

Wesley tried to wrack his brain for answers and when that didn't work mumbled, "I'll have to consult my books."

Before he reached Angel's office, Cordelia called out, "Black eyes, boiling skin, nocturnal . . . it's an Ekade demon, from the Greek meaning-"

"Homeward," Wesley supplied stunned by her exclamation. "How did you-"

"It will only speak to those inside its clan," Cordelia cut in not wanting to talk about the database or its maker in front of Angel.

Wesley picked up on her reluctance, and turned his attention to the information she'd found. "Ekades were once guardians of a hell dimension. After a prisoner escaped they became like bounty hunters. They need to recapture the prisoner to be allowed back, and until then they feed upon en-souled bodies to live.

Wesley nodded. "Which is why our demon hasn't pursued the couple; if any creature with a soul will do, it is probably easily distracted."

Wanting to close the case quickly, Angel asked, "How do we kill it?"

She scrolled down the computer screen. "Being a guardian of hell and all, it's pretty strong, but your regular slice and dice should do the trick."

Wesley looked at Angel warily. "We might need assistance on this one. Perhaps we should call B-"

"Gunn!" Cordelia exclaimed. "He likes to kill things." She shot Wes a glare to remain quiet while Angel pondered the suggestion, but he refused to heed it.

"I was going to say -"

"I'll ask him," Angel decided before walking to the elevator. It was still light out, but if Angel stuck to the sewers he could catch Gunn before his nightly patrol.

As soon as she heard the elevator finish descending, Cordelia smacked Wes on the shoulder.

Rubbing his arm, he yelped, "What was that for?"

"That was for thinking Buffy should help with the case."

"I don't see any reason not to involve her."

"You want a reason? I'll give you two. One: he doesn't need to be around her right now; two, she doesn't need to be around demons ever."

"I know she hasn't been on active duty for awhile, but she is needed."

"No, Wes, she is wanted. The world has a new slayer, and L.A. has a champion in Angel. If he can't take this demon down with your guys' help, then maybe she is needed, but you don't really believe that, do you?"

Not hearing him retort, she softened her voice. "I want her to stay too, but you can't use that line with her, not anymore. We can't guilt her into this."

"I wasn't thinking of making her stay." At her skeptically raised eyebrow, he explained, "I was just hoping to get her to see him again. He seems so lost. I just want to help him get closure."

She shook her head sadly. "I don't think that's possible for them. He went to hell, and she got married. But that night at Wolfram and Hart they were both still willing to risk their happiness for each other. He was willing to save her husband, and she was willing to leave him with us to save Angel. It will never be over for those two."

"Do you think he can live with that?"

She looked him in the eye willing him to understand. "I think he already does."


	16. Chapter 13: How She Deals

**Chapter 13: How She Deals**

After Angel left, Wesley announced he was going out to confer with a source. Asking if he had cash for the bribe, Cordelia waved her goodbye.

In truth, he left to seek out a certain blond. He'd only been looking a short while when he found outside the coffee shop where they'd first met.

To avoid startling her, he spoke softly before sitting down. "Hello Buffy."

Staring blankly into her coffee, she gave a faint smile. "Sorry I haven't come by since-"

"It's quite alright," he assured her. "I just came to see how you were."

"I honestly don't know. . . Fine I guess. I'm dealing."

To spare her further discomfort, Wesley changed topics. "We don't think you're in anymore danger from Wolfram and Hart. You can resume your life without any hovering bodyguards or secret peril." He had hoped his phrasing would earn smile.

"Or start a new one."

Alas, it did not. "Yes, that is a possibility."

Wanting to justify her remark, she explained, "My job, the shelter, everything was taken care of. We wanted so much to leave this all behind . . . Now that it's just me . . . I don't know if it's all the more reason to go or a reason not to."

"You don't have to make any decisions right now. Maybe once some time passes-"

Buffy cut in, "I'm not leaving today." Before relief set in, she continued, "but if I don't leave soon, I don't think I ever will."

Leaving home would be difficult, but if she waited too long, it would become impossible.

"I can't say I agree, but I do understand." She doubted he could but didn't say so.

"Thank you for everything I guess. It really was nice to meet you." He smiled at the deep sincerity accompanying such a the casual phrase.

"Likewise."

Buffy started to stand. "If I decide to leave, I'll come and say goodbye first."

"I know Cordelia would certainly appreciate that."

"Tell her not to worry; I won't disappear again." They shared one last smile before Buffy headed for the shelter, and Wesley returned to his car.

Despite their conversation, he didn't think this was finished yet. Like she said: nothing ever is.

* * *

><p>Across town, Angel entered the crew's compound. He found Gunn shining his new hubcap axe. He acknowledged his presence with a nod. "What you want?"<p>

He didn't step out of the shadows. "Found something worth killing."

"Figured I'd wanna help you, huh?"

Hearing his reluctance, Angel clarified. "It's in your neighborhood, so actually, this is me helping you, again."

"That bad?" If Angel was here to fight his demons, there had to be a reason.

Angel merely nodded. "Bringing Wesley to help."

"My crew are better back up than ole' English."

"You want to risk your boys or my guy? Your choice."

Ignoring his curt tone, Gunn pressed, "You'll risk yours but you don't expect me to risk mine? I look like that much of a coward, do I?"

"Yours are children. They shouldn't be risked more than necessary."

As much as Gunn hated to admit it, he was running an army of kids. They may have grown up fast, but they still weren't grownups. If he could spare their lives, he would. He acquiesced, "English it is."

Angel began receding into the shadows. "Alright then, I'll see you at sundown."

Gunn called out, "Wait, where in my neighborhood?"

* * *

><p>Buffy walked down a dark street with Sunny and a young couple. Even after the trap last week, she was still willing to investigate her kids' demons.<p>

"This is where you guys saw it?" Seeing them nod, she turned to Sunny." Can you take them back to the shelter?"

He scanned the area which looked pretty abandoned save for a few condemned apartment buildings. "You sure you don't want me to come with you - back you up?"

"I just want you to get them to safely."

When he put off leaving by looking around again, he felt her touch his arm. She tried giving a reassuring smile. "I'll be fine, always am." Without another word, Sunny started walking the couple back the way they came.

As soon as they were out of hearing range, Buffy began walking further down the street alert to any movements from the shadows. "So if I was a creepy, black-eyed demon, where would I be?"

She stopped in front of condemned building. "Don't you look promising. . ."

As she approached, she heard a scream from inside.

Noticing the stairs to the entrance, Buffy sped towards them. Before she made it onto the first step, she smelled a foul stench behind her.

Quick to react, she spun around and kicked an angry demon to the ground. Immediately, she noticed something weird. As the moonlight shone down, the skin on his bare arms appeared to be moving. With her slayer hearing, she picked up its faint crackling.

"How about we put off the fight till after you've bathed? Cuz that goo thing you got going on - no one wants to die looking like that ." The demon flipped to its feet and began to circling.

Seeing it lunge, she dodged and kicked out sending the demon back a few feet. "No need to get snippy, it was just a suggestion."

Her confidence began to waver when she picked up more subtle crackling.

The two demons attacked simultaneously: one from the front and one from behind. She launched herself in the air and flipped from out from between them.

Before Buffy could get her bearings, a third one grabbed her by the arm. That was when she figured out what was wrong with their skin; it was literally boiling.

She yelped from the heat of it and punched him with her other arm, burning her knuckles in the process.

Seeing a fourth demon come down the steps, Buffy reacquainted herself with an old thought; One she last encountered while wearing a long, white dress.

With a deep breath, Buffy accepted she would not leave this fight unscathed, she might not leave it at all.

At least this time, she was wearing sensible shoes.

Feeling tired and weak, Buffy taunted herself like a demon once did many nights ago. 'No husband, no friends, no hope - take all that away, what's left?' She kicked the demon closest to her with all her might. 'Me. Me and my son.'

The question had changed some, but then again so had the answer. In that moment, Anne McDonald faded into the background and Buffy the Vampire Slayer took the stage.

If this was to be her last fight, she'd make it one hell of show.

* * *

><p>Gunn pulled up next to Wesley and Angel in front of an old apartment building. He Gunn looked around the sketch part of town. "So our demon was seen round here?"<p>

"Somewhere, yes." Wesley picked up his axe while Angel unsheathed his broadsword.

In silence, they patrolled the streets. Near a large warehouse, Angel spotted a beaten corpse. "Looks like someone beat us to it."

Admiring the hole in the demon's face, Gunn whistled. "Damn, and here I hoped to use my new fightin' axe."

Angel saw a few more corpses. "Still might."

The closer they came to the warehouse's entrance the more bodies they found. The demons' skin melted off like wax, and the smell of it was oppressive.

Gunn covered his nose with the crook of his arm. "How many of these things did you say there were?"

Taking a mental count of the bodies, Angel snapped, "Wes, what's goin on?"

"It looks like we may have miscalculated." Wesley was just as shocked as Angel to find so many Ekades - particularly dead ones.

Surrounded by broken necks, slit throats, and punched through abdomens, Gunn felt his insides twist. "I'm less worried about these dudes than about the thing that killed em'."

Hearing noises coming from inside the warehouse, he gulped. "I signed up for big and ugly, this is gonna be bigger and uglier ain't it?"

Wesley grimaced. "It appears that way."

Angel walked up the corpse-littered stairwell. When he reached the door, he turned around."You ready?"

A few stairs behind him, Gunn gripped his axe with both hands. "Stupid question."

Angel quietly opened the door and the others followed.

They stepped over the bodies in the doorway only to encounter more on the inside balcony. The floor of the warehouse was covered in demons; most of them dead, some still dying.

Not even Angel's experience could prepare them for the sight they found. Before them lay a massacre on demons - the things usually doing the massacring. But all was not quiet.

Towards the back, a sizeable group stood huddled together snarling and howling. Hearing the anguished screeching, they assumed the one responsible for the slaughter wasn't finished.

As they stepped through pools of blood and flesh, they passed large vats filled with human corpses. Apparently, Ekade demons prefer their ensouled bodies cooked.

Despite the slippery floor, the three warriors hustled to the back of the warehouse and began hacking at the perimeter. However, the demons barely gave them notice. Only those immediately threatened turned to defend themselves; the others remained focused on their target.

As they fought, the three tried to anticipate what they would find. Maybe in the middle of all these demons were more demons. Maybe they'd interrupted some sort of demonic ritual or civil war. What kept them going was the possibility of an ally in the fray - a powerful warlock or new gang of do-gooders. Whatever it was, they would find out soon enough.

"What the -," Gunn's curse of shock was cut off by him stumbling over a demon body.

The others came to his aid, but when he stood, Gunn seemed more eager to glimpse the center than kill the demons.

Together they thinned out the rest of the group well enough to see what Gunn had.

In the heart of violence stood a lone figure.

"Buffy?"

Angel almost dropped his sword.

"I heard blondie was good in a fight, but damn."

"Dear God." Wesley watched as the blood-drenched blonde beat back the tide of demons.

Buffy on the other hand, had yet to notice her audience.


	17. Chapter 14: Love Beats

Chapter 14: Love Beats

**Part 1:  
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Fighting on pure instinct, Buffy stopped seeing and hearing long ago. As one demon swung at her, she grabbed his boiling arm with both hands and rammed it through the chest of another.

Before they hit the floor, she moved on to three new demons approaching her. She crouched down to kick one off its feet before pulling a stake from a corpse.

She stood up to impale another. Turning around, she kicked the demon behind her with both feet propelling herself into two more demons. She was a chaotic blur of kicks and stabs as she defended herself against the hordes.

She didn't plan, didn't think; she felt and acted accordingly. Oblivious to her worsening injuries or the passage of time, Buffy surrendered every part of herself save the slayer.

Her three observers recovered their wits quickly and rejoined the battle until only a few were left. It wasn't until Buffy fought her last demon that she noticed the familiar faces. After snapping its neck, she turned to them.

Gunn took a few forward. "Anne?" Pushing the demon body to the ground, she offered a friendly yet confused smile.

"Gunn, what are you doing here?" She approached slowly letting her senses return to her.

He gave a sly grin, "Could ask you the same thing."

"Kids came talking about a demon. Nothing good on the telee so thought I'd take care of it."

Keeping her eyes on the floor, she carefully made her way over the piles of corpses."I found out later that the demon had friends in town." She scrunched up her face, "possibly cousins."

While the other two remained grimly silent, Gunn just stood smiling and shaking his head. "How are you not a part of my crew?"

"Says the guy who wouldn't let me move a Fosse ball table alone."

A thought cut him off mid-chuckle. "You're not a demon are you?"

"Human. I'm just a lil' stronger than most."

Wesley finally stepped forward. "Are you alright?"

She turned to him with a soft smile. "Don't worry. Most of this is demon blood."

Fearing what injuries the demon blood might be covering, he prodded, "Even so, I think you should come back to our office to get patched up."

She looked down at herself. "Returning to _Sanctuary _like this probably isn't the best idea."

Gunn looked dumbstruck. "Wait, you know these guys?"

"Kinda. They helped me out with some stuff recently." Angel internally winced at her dismissal of their history.

She smiled at Gunn. "I take it these are the weirdos your crew has been griping about."

Wesley raised his eyebrows. "Weirdos?"

He shrugged. "Nothin personal man. But yeah, Anne these be them."

Wesley refused to be dismissed. "Your fellows 'gripe' about us?"

Not wanting to hurt his feelings again, she clarified, "More about how much time Gunn's been spending hunting with outsiders."

"What can I say? They find some awesome demons."

Buffy continued walking towards the front of the warehouse while trying hard not to slip on the blood-covered floor, stumble over corpses, or pass out from exhaustion. "Yeah, real awesome."

Her legs began to give out, but Gunn put an arm around her waist before she could fall.

"Whoa you okay?" She grabbed onto his shoulder and pulled herself up.

"Just a little woozy."

Gunn kept his arm firmly at her waist and began to walk with her making sure she leant most of her weight on him. "Come on, you can ride with me."

Focusing most of her energy on remaining upright, Buffy spoke through shallow breathes. "Shouldn't you get back to whatever it is you do at night?"

"My boys got it covered, besides, no way I'm passing up a chance to get the whole story."

She turned her head in the direction of the others. "I guess I'll see you guys in a few."

As they walked, she noticed how much blood Gunn's clothes absorbed from her leaning on him. "You do realize I'm going to get demon blood all over your truck right?"

Gunn let out a hearty laugh. "She can take it."

"Don't say I didn't warn ya."

Angel and Wesley followed in silence.

After they made it to his truck, Gunn started with the questions.

"So this whole super strength thing, is it new or . . ."

"No, not new." Given that most of her body was covered in burns, she didn't feel like elaborating.

She touched a gash above her eyebrow trying to assess if it needed need stitches. She didn't even want to think about how all the demon blood would affect her injuries.

He snuck glances at her while trying to keep his eyes on the road. "So, all the big bads we've found dead before we could kill em' -that was you, right?"

She tried not to fidget in her seat. "When I get word that you're going after something really dangerous unprepared, yeah, I've stepped in."

He snorted. "So I got a snitch on my crew huh?"

"More like a guardian angel."

He hit the steering wheel and laughed. "Sunny."

"He's prevented a lot of death by talking to me." She gave him a hard look making clear Sunny was not to be hassled.

"No, I get it," he assured her. "It's just that I've been doing this for a while - a hell of a lot longer than Sunny. I can't believe you'd tell the kid before me."

She ran a hand through her hair grimacing when it came back bloody. "I've never told anyone."

"So then how-"

"He saw me take down some demons a while back. He's a smart kid: knows how to fight and how to stay alive."

"How to keep secrets. . ." He added.

"I never asked him to come to me with your demons, but I'm glad he does. There are some things you guys can't handle . . . things shouldn't have to."

When they stopped at a red light, he turned to her with playful eyes. "And here I thought we were watching your back."

"You were. You do. I've just been returning the favor." Both of their smiles grew.

The other car shared no smiles. Angel seemed to be puzzling something out, and Wesley let him puzzle in silence.

When they arrive at the office, they found Buffy and Gunn waiting outside. Gunn held both of her hands assessing the damage. Their closeness bothered Angel. Suppressing a growl, he hung back and let Wesley go first.

Seeing them approach, Gunn slung her arm over his shoulder and helped her stand. Together they entered the office and locked the door behind them.

As Wesley started to turn on the lights, Gunn called out. "The blood and goop is kinda making it hard to see what's up. You got a sink or something?"

"Shower downstairs," Angel mumbled.

"I think Cordelia keeps some extra clothes here." Wesley began going through her desk drawers. When he'd found a skirt and top in a plastic bag, he handed it to Gunn who took it with his free hand. Buffy looked again at her stained clothing. "Anything is better than this."

Entering the elevator with Gunn, she joked, "One of these days I want to meet a bloodless demon. They exist right?" Wesley and Angel heard Gunn's laughter as the elevator descended but neither shared his mirth.

While Buffy showered, the silent men gathered all the medical supplies upstairs before going down to Angel's apartment. Like the weapons, he kept his more serious supplies downstairs.

Gunn sat outside the bathroom in case she called for help while Angel kept his senses alert for indications that she needed help but wasn't asking for it.

Gunn broke the silence musing, "And to think, I was her bodyguard last week."

"It's a long story," Angel grumbled.

The room fell back into silence.

Eventually Buffy came out wearing Cordelia's fluttery skirt and camisole. She started to towel dry her hair but winced at the movements.

Memories of the last time he'd seen her hair wet joined with the fact that she smelled like his shampoo made Angel feel even more possessive. It took all his self-control not to throw Gunn aside when he put his arm around her again and helped her to the kitchen chair.

The shower had washed away the blood revealing her numerous burns and cuts, but even as his heart tightened at the sight, he couldn't take his eyes off of her. She was still the only vision worth fighting for. Being this close to her again, he wondered how he'd managed all this time without it . . . without her.

As Gunn helped her to sit, she closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing. Now that the adrenaline had faded from her system, the pain was almost unbearable. It took all her concentration not to cry out or yelp as Wesley and Gunn cleaned and bandaged her wounds.

Wesley butterflied the gash on her forehead but hesitated before touching her hands. Of all her injuries, the burns on her hand were most worrisome. Aside from being severely burned, the tissue beneath the remnants of skin began to swell making it nearly impossible to move her fingers.

Following Wesley's gaze, Gunn tried to keep the alarm from his voice.

"You sure you don't need a hospital?"

She held her breathe and flexed a hand to prove the point."I heal fast . . . and I hate hospitals."

Wesley tended to them as best he could knowing these wounds pushed the limits of slayer healing. She may never have full use of her hands again.

That was a small loss in comparison with his next concern: her pregnancy.

Like her back, her stomach held many scratches and burns. With her damaged ribs, he could only imagine how the child was fairing. Gunn purposefully avoided the area. Leaving the hard conversation to Wes, he focused on bandaging her arms and neck.

Wesley tentatively prodded the area. Finally, he asked the inevitable question. "Do you feel any pain in your abdomen?"

At each of his gentle touches, she gasped.

**Part 2:**

She felt tears coming and tried to hold them back.

"Yeah . . . . but I don't think it's affecting the baby." She didn't feel cramping or really unfamiliar pain. She hoped that meant she hadn't miscarried during the battle.

Reluctant to trust her judgment, Wesley spoke again in a soft voice.

"Even so, perhaps we should -" She sat up suddenly and focused on Angel startling him from his somber thoughts.

"Do you hear his heartbeat?"

Gunn leaned back to look at her. "You know what he is?" She never shifted her focus from the vampire. Given the strength of her gaze, he was sure she was looking straight into his soul.

Tearing up, Angel took a few steps forward and crouched down before her. He closed his eyes and pushed all his thoughts aside focusing on the task at hand.

When he heard the low rapid beatings of her son's heart, he looked up and nodded.

She let out the breath she'd been holding and leaned back. "Okay then, the baby is fine."

Looking from one to the other, Wesley whispered, "very well."

After Gunn finished bandaging her burns, he started to address his own. Angel helped him wrap gauze around a particularly nasty burn on his forearm while Wesley cleaned the scratches on Buffy's stomach.

As he was finishing up, Wesley grew stern. "Why didn't you call us? We could have helped."

She continued watching him work. "Didn't need help for just one demon. If I'd known there was an army of them in there, I woulda called, promise." He started to put his supplies away while she pulled her top back into place.

"You could have been killed." He glanced at back at her.

"That's not really new for me."

"Buffy, in your condition . . ."

"I'm pregnant - not sick."

"Buffy?" Gunn looked over curiously at the unfamiliar name.

"Still-"

She gritted her teeth. "-Still, I can fight. Maybe it's hormones, maybe it's protective instincts, but I'm stronger now than I've ever been."

"Nothing happened. I fought, I won. It's over."

Making a mental note to ask about the name later, Gunn cut in, "Seems like blondie can handle herself."

Wes shook his head and looked away. "She can barely stand."

"I'm just tired." Since he had finished wrapping his own injuries, Gunn moved to help her up.

Standing to his full height, Angel finally joined the conversation. "You shouldn't be risking your lives like that."

She hung her head in exhaustion. "Not for myself, but for the people I care about - yeah, I should."

She was just about to walk away when he murmured, "He wouldn't want you treating his son as expendable."

For that, she turned and slapped him so fast, Gunn almost lost his balance trying to hold her up.

Pain quickly wove up her arm causing her to cry out. The slap left her gauze bandage completely mangled and a smear of medicine on her victim's face. Not bothering to wipe it away, Angel kept his head down.

When she spoke, her voice was rough and raw. "You understand nothing."

"This child is not the only one I'm responsible for." Her eyes filled with tears as she tried to ignore the searing pain. "They needed me, and I was there. . . Lindsey would have understood that."

"You sure?"

Everyone turned to him with shocked expressions.

Buffy's eyes flamed from shocked to enraged. With clenched jaw, she bit out, "Go to hell Angel."

He murmured, "Already did."

It was worse than a slap or a burn; to her, it felt like a stake to the heart. She paled instantly.

Trying to hold her thoughts together, she let her body wobble. Gunn held her tighter taking on more of her weight. "Anne, are you okay?"

She whispered shakily, "Get me out of here." She didn't spare either of them another look as Gunn practically carried her up the stairs.

When he heard the door at the top of the landing close, Angel turned around and punched through the wall behind him. At that moment, he hated all evil things - himself in particular. Violence was a convenient way to release his frustration.

When he saw him bring his fist back to his side, Wesley approached him. "Angel."

"She could have been killed."

"Indeed." Wesley's eyes met his frantic ones.

"Taking on that many demons alone- she knew that and she went anyways."

Wes tried to placate him. "She made a rash decision."

"It was reckless and stupid. She's stupid." He punctuated the last word with a kick to the chair she'd sat in.

"Angel," he chided.

"No, Wes, she could have died and she doesn't care. The way she fought. . ."

Remembering the scene form earlier in the night, Wesley's gaze grew distant. "She didn't lack for passion."

Angel shook his head desperately. "She was beyond passion, beyond thought . . . beyond human."

"That's what a slayer is."

"She shouldn't be able to fight like that."

"Granted, she's more practiced than we gave her credit for-"

"Even at her best, Buffy never lost herself to violence like she did tonight. I saw her." Angel pictured her a few hours earlier drenched in blood battling demons with abandon. "She didn't care if she lived, or even if she won . . . she just wanted to disappear."

Wesley thought about that observation before bringing up another. "Don't you think you were a bit hard on her?"

"If I wasn't, who would be?"

His hard demeanor faded into sorrow. "She's hurting, I understand that. But I can't stay quiet while her grief destroys her."

"Her grief destroyed a warehouse of demons - more than the three of us alone could have handled."

His voice grew hoarse. "If she had lost her baby tonight. . . "

"She didn't."

"But she could have."

"You should know by now that speculating doesn't change anything. Don't torture yourself with what could have beens. It serves no purpose."

Walking up the stairs, Wesley left him alone in an apartment which was once again filled with her scent: her hair, her blood . . . her tears.

Sitting in her chair, he hung his head in his hands. He felt the smear of medicine her slap left behind and shivered. All he wanted to do was take away her pain. Instead, he'd made her pale and stumble.

He'd shaken her soul.

His fear of losing her led him to speak thoughtlessly. His anger played a part as well. He was angry at her for not being scared and for not admitting she was losing herself. He'd responded to her denial with honesty.

When he closed his eyes, he saw her pained eyes piercing him. He didn't mention his death with cruel intent, but it hadn't been the time or place to mention it at all. Add it to the long list of things she might never forgive him for. Fisting his hands in his hair, he stared at the floor.

Why doesn't a portal to hell open when you need it to?


	18. Chapter 15: Forgiving Dreams

**I edited the end of this chapter to clear up any confusion. I hope this helps. If it doesn't, just shoot me a message. I appreciate feedback; whether it's positive or negative, it helps.  
><strong>

Chapter 15: Forgiving Dreams

Early the next morning, Wesley came to the office and found a young woman standing outside.

"Buffy?"

"Hi Wesley."

Seeing her turn around, he noted the burns on her neck were almost completely healed.

"You look better."

"Super healing powers."

She followed his gaze to her wrapped hands and sighed. "I won't be giving high fives any time soon, but I'm gonna be fine."

He nodded and returned his eyes to hers. "It's quite early for a visit. Is everything alright?"

"I just came to say goodbye."

"You're leaving then," he couldn't keep the surprise from his voice.

"It's time."

He thought last night what with the extreme slaying and talking with Angel might have changed her mind. Apparently, it hadn't.

He sighed and looked in the office windows. "I'm the only one here just now. He's still out, and I imagine Cordelia's still at her apartment."

"I didn't really expect anyone to be here this early."

"Oh."

She could hear his disappointment. She had promised to say goodbye, but after yesterday, she didn't think she had the strength.

Opening her purse, she pulled out a small card. "I came to drop this off for her."

Nodding, he reached out his hand. "I'll be sure she gets it."

"It has my cell number and e-mail. Tell her I'm sorry I couldn't stick around for a real goodbye."

"I will."

They stood in uncomfortable silence for a minute. "Any other message I can relay?"

He didn't have to say who he meant; she'd understood and ran her hand through her hair trying to think of an answer. " . . . just thank you I guess."

He gave her a sad smile and she stepped forward for a hug. "Goodbye Wes. Take care of yourself."

Returning it, he held her tightly. "You too. Take care of both of you."  
>"Promise." Pulling back, she gave him a soft, reassuring smile.<p>

As he watched her walk away, he thought about how different she was from the slayer he imagined. He always hoped to meet her. Now that he had, he wished he didn't have to see her leave.

She'd changed his perspective on his boss, his job, and himself. If he was honest, he'd admit he'd fallen a bit in love with her. Now he'd be one of the many people who'd loved and lost her.

To a small extent, he felt he could understand how Angel was feeling. That thought brought him back to the present and his next task.

With a heavy heart, he entered the office and turned on the lights before walking down to the apartment. Finding it empty, he sat down and waited for his return.

A few hours later, Angel trudged in from the sewers. Seeing Wesley waiting for him, he suppressed a groan. "Need something?"

He didn't want to talk anymore, he just wanted to brood and sleep.

Wesley looked up. "Buffy's gone. She left." Angel took a moment to process the words.

"Are you sure?"

"She came by this morning to say goodbye."

Recognizing that he probably wanted to be alone, Was stood up."She wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

"She didn't say."

"Is that all?"

Wesley wished had more of a message for him - that he could say something to soften the blow, but he couldn't.

"It is." He gave the only truth he had and then left Angel alone to cope with it.

_So that was it. . . after everything they'd been through . . . it ends with a second-hand thank you. _

He didn't sit. He didn't move. He stood completely still and focused on the sound of Wesley's footsteps as they grew further and further away.

He could lose Buffy a hundred times and never get used the emptiness that followed. Even if all he did was stalk her and fight with her, he felt more like himself when she was in his life - more like the man he wanted to be. . . the one he'd never be again.

He breathed in her lingering scent and said a silent goodbye.

When he breathed out he let all his hope out too. He released hopes he thought he'd rid himself of long ago but had merely buried. He knew those hopes were foolish, but he'd carried them anyway.

Standing alone in his apartment, Angel finally let them go. He finally let Buffy go.

* * *

><p>Seeing her standing in his doorway, he looked up from his work and smiled. "You're back."<p>

Even though she had missed him, her gaze was distant. "That I am."

"You get done what you needed to?"

"I hope so. I've wanted it finished for a long time."

Lindsey came to stand before her and caressed her shoulders. "I'm proud of you." Leaning into his embrace, she reveled in it for a few moments. "You don't even know what I did."

"You were nervous before you left, so whatever it was took courage - a lot of it - because you're the bravest person I know."

He kissed her forehead while she clung to him tightly holding back tears. "I love you, you know that?"

"I love you too. Now why don't you get ready for bed. You look exhausted." She stepped back and smiled.

"You have no idea."

Making her way to the bathroom, she noticed her mind was surprisingly calm after her trip to Sunnydale and final goodbyes. She was back and that was all that mattered. A new life lay ahead of her and she was eager to begin it.

When she returned to the bedroom, she found Lindsey waiting for her. Crawling in beside him, she nestled close. "When I wake up I want the days before this to seem like a dream. One I finally get to wake up from."

He wrapped his arms around her. "Go to sleep sweetheart. I don't know how the world will seem when you wake up, but I'll still be holding you. Together, we'll face whatever tomorrow brings."

Somewhere deep down, she knew that they wouldn't. . . that they didn't. This was a lie, though a beautiful one . . . a memory pulled out like an old photograph for comfort.

Still asleep, she looked upon Lindsey's form with longing. Even though she felt him beside her, she sensed in some real way, she was still alone and always would be . . . .

Buffy had laid down for a brief rest but was reluctant to wake. The day could bring better things, but for now, she preferred the dream.

Angel, on the other hand, had had enough of dreams. After a brief rest, he made his way up to the main office. He poured his coffee, checked the messages, and with the support of his friends, he began his day.

* * *

><p>"Even in L.A., grand exits are hard to come by. Many come with dreams, but most leave in quiet resignation, with questions unanswered, unspoken. An end without closure can be hell, but uncertainty is saving grace.<p>

Maybe things will change . . . Tomorrow could bring better . . . Maybe destiny passed us by long ago, and we're still waiting, hoping. Without a grand finale there's a chance our story isn't over.

So we accept uncertainty and with it, the hope it provides."

. . . The End . . .

**This is the last chapter, but next week I will post a preview of the sequel. **


	19. I Have Loved You Wrong

**Thank you for all your support and reviews. I enjoyed writing IHLYW and reading your feedback. **

**I Have Loved You Wrong was inspired by a Swell Season song of the same name. YouTube it; it's worth it. As always, if you have an interpretation on how it's related, I'd be interested in reading it. **

_**I Have Loved You wrong** _

_**By Marketa Irglova**_

_Forgive me lover  
>For I have sinned<br>For I have done you wrong_

_For I have hurt  
>Beyond repair<br>When tears occurred  
>No I didn't care<em>

_Forgive me lover  
>for I have sinned<br>for I have loved you wrong_

_But this estranged organ in my chest  
>Still beats for you<br>It will not rest, so  
>Meet me in our secret place<br>When the time has come_

_Rest your head  
>In my lap<br>I'll lead you out of your own trap  
>I'll show you how much<br>You have missed through the  
>Time we weren't right<em>

_I'll kiss your face  
>I'll stroke your hair<br>I'll wash your tired feet with care  
>For so long, for too long my love, we've been walking apart<em>

_So forgive me lover  
>For I have sinned<br>For I have let you go_

_But you've been every now and then on my mind  
>Every now and then on my mind<em>


	20. Part 2 Chapter 1: One Last Thing

**Happy New Year!  
><strong>

**Preview for Part 2: How Much You Really Want**

**(Sequel to I Have Loved You Wrong)**

**Chapter 1: One Last Thing**

Buffy carried a cardboard box down the steps of the shelter. After her early morning goodbye, she'd returned to her apartment for quick nap. She had a long drive a head of her and couldn't afford any accidents on account of carelessness.

Unfortunately, the memories haunting her sleeping world did not release her easily, or maybe she didn't release them. Either way, she didn't get the early start she'd been hoping for, but at least she got some rest. After filling the jeep with the last of her things, she drove to the shelter: her last stop.

Before picking up a box of pictures, she shared a brief goodbye with Lil and Sunny - keeping tears in check and promising to stay in touch. Looking down at the framed photos of their past, she knew they would keep their promise. They had shared too much together to do otherwise.

Now, they were inside, and she was outside.

There was nothing left to do but leave.

Stepping onto the sidewalk she saw a man approaching looking quite determined.

"What are you doing here? I thought your crew didn't get up before noon."

Gunn's chuckle faded when he caught sight of the box. Looking towards her car, he noticed it was completely filled. "I see you're all packed. I guess I didn't think you'd really go. Seems like you've always been here."

"I know, but it's time. My bags are packed, goodbyes were said, all that's left now is to drive off into something."

"So, this is happening like now."

"No tears big guy." She smiled and continued to her car. "You should get inside and say hi to Lil. Go bring her a smile." When he looked towards the shelter, she opened the trunk and squeezed in her parcel.

"Buffy, wait."

"Yeah?"

He nodded towards the stairs "Can we talk?"

She shut the trunk and sat down beside him. "I got nowhere to be. What's on your mind?"

There was no good way to ease into this, so he decided to blurt. "Don't go."

"Gunn. . ."

"Just hear me out." Reluctantly, she gave him her attention. "I know what you've been doin' here. I didn't like it at first - didn't trust it, but I accepted it. I'm not just talking 'bout the demon-bashing. You've been getting kids off the streets into this place and then out of this place to something more: jobs, homes. My guys takes care of the monsters, but you been takin care of them."

"You take care of them too."

He wasn't interested in her pity. "All I give them is a way to fight back. I understand that some won't want to stop, but the rest already do. You're their way out. You give them a shot at normal."

"Gunn, I'm not their only way out, but I am my son's." Her eyes pleaded with him to understand. "I want him to have the life I never had - one without demons and darkness. He deserves normal too, but he won't have that here."

"You're taking care of your family. I get that. Can you blame me for taking care for mine?" He tried to keep his voice even. "Alana's gone. These kids are the only family I got left. It's my job to look out for them."

She rested her hand on his arm for comfort. "Lilly's not going anywhere, and Angel and his team will still be here too. I'm not the only option." Looking down at her hand, he shook his head.

"You're the only one who cares about those kids as much as I do." Her soothing movements stilled at his words. Feeling her pull away, he covered her hand with his.

"I know I'm askin a lot, maybe too much, but I don't want to lose them - not to death not to anything." He faced her with honest eyes. "I can't do this alone."

Anxiously, she ran her hand through her hair without responding. She knew what he was feeling, the burden he carried . . . two years ago, she carried one similar. In her case, there was no one to ask for help, no one to share her duty with. She did the impossible alone; she saved the world, and it cost her everything.

She thought that was enough, but here Gunn was trying to save his world and needing her to help.

He'd taken his hand away and was just sitting beside her patiently awaiting her answer.

If she promised to stay, what would her life be like? The city held several faces from her past none of whom could be a part of her present as it was now. What other changes would she have to endure? and how would they affect her son?

She turned towards Gunn. Her whole soul sensed his desperation.

If he hadn't asked her, she wouldn't have stayed, but now that he had, how could she leave? Looking down the street, she felt a tear creep down. She couldn't leave him alone like this - shouldering this overwhelming responsibility.

Letting out a heavy sigh, she let her posture relax and leaned back on the stairs. Sensing her movement, Gunn looked at her. Her new position told him what he needed to know: she wasn't going anywhere.

Their eyes met, and she knew no matter how hard this decision was, she wouldn't regret it. Her son might not have a normal life, but he'd have a mom he could be proud of who did all she could to spare others pain. Everything else . . . well, she would figure it out. She would have to.

Taking in her decision, he wanted to apologize or offer thanks, but neither felt right. Instead, he held her gaze for a moment before leaning back himself.

Together they sat and watched the bustle of the street. A few kids were hanging near the stoop joking; none of them noticed the heavy conversation between the grownups nor the heavier silence which followed. For them, it was a day like any other; the grownups wanted it to stay that way.

Gunn's presence proved he couldn't do this alone; Buffy's promised he wouldn't have to. She would help him because he needed helping, because these kids deserved it . . . and because deep down, that's just who she was.

Maybe normal was overrated. Maybe she just didn't want it enough. Lately, it was a question she often asked herself: how much did she really want?

**Alas, my edits for chapter 18 didn't clear up much confusion. Here's the deal: Lindsey's memory is still wiped of anything Buffy related. The scene with him and Buffy at the end was just a dream. **

**It's a memory of the night she came home to Lindsey after saying her final goodbye to Angel (remember the prologue?).**

**When she returned from Sunnydale that night, she felt that a new life was waiting for her. She was hopeful. In her current waking life she misses Lindsey and wishes things could go back to the they were before Angel showed up, so in her sleep she makes her wish come true; she dreams about the life she had with Lindsey.**

**I am interested in making my writing as clear as possible, so if you have any suggestions on how I can re-edit the ending to make the meaning clearer, shoot me a message. **

**Also, I am filling in gaps and holes in the sequel of IHLYW, so if you have any suggestions or requests about conflicts, character development, pairings, subplots, etc. (anything you want to read happen), now is the time to let me know. **

**Other stories are taking up head space, so the more interest there is in reading a sequel, the quicker I'll finish it; otherwise, there could be a wait. (FYI: It's a complete coincidence that I'm asking how much readers really want to read the sequel, How Much You Really Want). **


	21. Sequel

**The sequel, **_**How Much You Really Want**_**, can now be found on my page.**

**There's a third part, **_**Your Heart Still In It **_**(and even a fourth part**_**, I Was Born For This**_**), but in the interest of getting it out in some reasonable time, I'm on the lookout for betas. If you're liking this series, and want to be a part of its future, shoot me a message. **

**Even if you've never collaborated before or if you're new to writing, that's fine. I'm just looking for a motivated someone who likes the fic and has an interest in seeing it finished. **

**I have a solid outline, but filling it in is proving difficult. Adding to the difficulty is the fact I've started other stories which are taking **away** motivation from this one. **

**But I assure all my readers that I am committed to giving closure to each of my stories, so even if the third part is a long time coming, the second part will have a satisfying end. **

**This was my first fanfiction and I am pleased to finally mark it complete. **


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